OH DEAR LORD:  Ariana Grande fans are not happy about her new Starbucks beverage.

NEWS YOU CAN USE.  I GUESS MINE “CUT SO SHORT THEY’RE BELONG THE FINGERTIP” MEAN “THIS WOMAN LIKES TO REFINISH FURNITURE. WHICH MEANS SHE KNOWS HOW TO USE DANGEROUS CHEMICALS”:  Bro decodes nail art to save guys from dating ‘crazy’ ladies.

I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING!  (I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY. I DENOUNCE MYSELF):  Oral sex nearly killed woman due to allergy to partner’s penicillin.

LISTEN CAREFULLY, I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE… BUT YOU MUST BRING THE EGG WHISK AND THE FLYING HELMET:  This woman risked it all to run a secret WWII spy network.

APPARENTLY THIS SCIENCE ALSO ISN’T SETTLED:  Your genes may reduce the effectiveness of contraception: study.

WEEK? WEEK? IT’S WELL OVER A YEAR AND COUNTING:  Who Declared This To Be Crazy Week?

ACTIVISTS KEEP TRYING TO SUPPRESS SCIENCE AND I AM TIRED OF IT:  Chronic fatigue activists are trying to silence us: researchers.

BECAUSE SUFFICIENTLY ADVANCED MALICE IS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM STUPIDITY:  Two plus two: why did Ilhan Omar post an audio that disproved the claim she was trying to make?

OH DEAR LORD. THIS IS WHY BLONDS TELL OCCASIONAL CORTEX JOKES:  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Steps On Rakes When Questioning Wells Fargo CEO,

Seriously, she can’t be this stupid. No one can. She’d forget to breathe. This is a case of sufficiently advanced malice being indistinguishable from stupidity.

WHERE ARE THE HEADS ON PIKES? THERE SHOULD BE HEADS ON PIKES POUR ENCOURAGER LES AUTRES:  Lisa Page: DOJ told FBI not to charge Clinton.

YOU MEAN LIKE THOSE WHO FALSELY CLAIM MINORITY STATUS SO THEY CAN REACH WAY ABOVE THEIR ACADEMIC WEIGHT? THOSE SCAMMERS, LIZZY?  Pot Meet Kettle: Elizabeth Warren Has No Sympathy For College Scammers.

I SMELL SOME SMOLLETTING GOING ON:  Hijab Wearing Army Sergeant Screams Discrimination.

A LOT OF LOW-CARBERS USE THEM AS A SNACK:  You’ve GOT to be kidding… I Hope.

THE FACT I’M GETTING OLD AT ALL STILL FEELS LIKE A BIT OF A SURPRISE, HONESTLY:  Eight surprising facts about getting old in America.

THE DOGFOOD TASTES WORSE NOW THAN T DID IN 1983, BUT THEY’RE DETERMINED TO PUSH IT HARDER: Before ‘Captain Marvel,’ women had a ‘Quarterback Princess’.

UNEXPECTEDLY!!!!  Murders up 30 percent in New York City this year.

TAXES ARE FOR THE LITTLE PEOPLE, NOT THE CAPO DI TUTTI IDIOTI:  Company founded by Ocasio-Cortez in 2012 still owes $1,870 in taxes.

INTELLECTUAL, MORAL, AND EVENTUALLY PHYSICAL DARKNESS IS ALWAYS THE END-STAGE OF SOCIALISM:  Venezuela Goes Dark.

EXPERTS IN WHAT? BELLY BUTTON LINT MINING?  Socialism and “The “Experts”.

UNLIKE FICTION, REALITY DOESN’T NEED TO BE PLAUSIBLE:  Stranger than fiction: Albert Battel and the Przemysl rescue during WW II.

WELL, I CERTAINLY FIND IT SO:  Twitter Considered Harmful.

IT REALLY IS HANDY:  Toxic “Diversity” vs. Genuine Diversity: A Handy Chart.

IT CERTAINLY WASN’T: This is not the Discrimination we were looking for.

BUT THEN, WHAT DOESN’T? ‘Unusual’ cloud sends conspiracy theorists into frenzy.

THAT’S DIFFERENT BECAUSE REASONS: Democratic presidents behaved a lot worse than Trump in the White House.