ADVANTAGE: LADIES:  Kindness and compassion can be the real secret weapons to success.

WELL,  SHOWING HER WOULD DEFINITELY PUT THE LIE ON THEIR PRAISE OF MICHELLE OBAMA’S BEAUTY:  Magazine editors turn blind eye to Melania.

HOW WELL DOES YOUR HOSPITAL CLEAN ITS MATTRESSES?  Your hospital bed is probably full of deadly germs.

WHO WOULDN’T BUILD THEIR OWN GUNDAM, GIVEN THE CHANCE?   This engineer built the fully armed giant robot of his dreams.

MALTHUS IS DEAD.  AND I FEEL FINE:  The End of Peak Oil.

THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE:  As Expected James Comey Book Is Shaping Up To Be Anti-Trump Whine.  Someone give that man some cheese, already.

EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE:  Antidepressants: is the cure worse than the disease?

THE LEFT’S HATRED ONLY WITHERS THEMSELVES:  “Hate Chicken” and “Cow Shadenfreude”: The New Yorker Takes Aim At Chick-fil-A.

THINK LONG AND HARD BEFORE:  Putting your kids in public school.  Liberals reproduce by indoctrination.

MAYBE THE EYEBROWS YOU WANT AT 20 WON’T BE SUITABLE TO YOU AT 50 – SO WHY MAKE THEM PERMANENT?  The dark side of microblading.

WE’VE ALWAYS BEEN OPTIMISTIC ABOUT IMPROVING OURSELVES:  The reason Americans are obsessed with advice.

PENGUIN, WHAT?  STOP THE WORLD, I NEED TO STEP OFF:  Penguins might just be nature’s most perverted animals.

OH, SPOD (SWEET PLANET OF DEATH) YOU DISAPPOINT US YET AGAIN:  No, the Rapture Isn’t Coming on April 23 Because of Nibiru (Which Doesn’t Exist).

WELL… IT WAS AFTER ALL A MONITOR LIZARD:  Extinct monitor lizard had four eyes, fossil evidence shows.

BESIDES, YOU’D LOOK FUNNY WITHOUT THEM:  The evolutionary advantage of having eyebrows.

A) SOME COINCIDENCE  B) ALIENS!  Stonehenge may have been in place before humans arrived – archaeologist.  Additional note: whoever has been putting crack in the faculty lounge coffee stop it.  It’s not funny anymore.

THE… WHAT? Obama judge OKs lawsuit forcing companies to hire DACA recipients.

WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE:  Their World, Our World.

THE LEFT’S VENEZUELAZATION OF AMERICAN CITIES PROCEEDS APACE:  Liberal Cities Embrace Homelessness.  But it’s okay so long as they convince voters that actual competent people are racistsexisthomophobic.

AND YET IT SHOULD BE REMEMBERED, AND ITS IMPLICATIONS CONTEMPLATED:  Millenials Haven’t Heard of the Holocaust: True Or False?

WHEN THE AUTHORITIES DO THEIR JOBS:  The Mass Shooting You’ll Never Hear About.

PARENTAL INTERACTION? THAT’D NEVER WORK!  How to help your kid with ADD.

MEDIUM RARE IS RARE:  Restaurants are cooking your steak wrong on purpose.

REMEMBER POE’S LAW. LET’S GIVE IT 48 HOURS, PEOPLE:  Zuckerberg Loses Contact Lens During Senate Hearing Revealing Horrifying Lizard Eye.  (For the congenitally humor-impaired, note this is the Babylon Bee)

EVERYONE AND ANYONE CONNECTED WITH THE CLINTON CRIME MACHINE?   Guess Whose House Wasn’t Raided by the FBI.