FOUR WORDS: BODY FLUIDS ON EQUIPMENT:  Naked workouts are coming to your gym — what could possibly go wrong?

MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!   Americans will eat more meat than ever before this year.

THOSE WASCALLY WUSSIANS!   Russia unleashes newest secret weapon: puppies.

FUNNY.  WE MANAGE:  Working from home is a recipe for disaster.

FASTER, PLEASE:  Researchers discover Alzheimer’s treatment while trying to cure diabetes.

YEARS AGO A FRIEND OF MINE WAS PREVENTED FROM PUMPING HER OWN GAS IN OREGON.  SHE WAS TOLD GAS WAS AN HAZARDOUS SUBSTANCE AND SHE DIDN’T HAVE THE TRAINING TO HANDLE IT:  She then pointed out she was going to use the guestroom and was she cleared to handle her own urine?  Which was, of course, rude, but also very apropos.  So now…  Oregon’s Gas Pumping Apocalypse.

AS WE THOUGHT:  Joshua Boyle: Not just a moron, but a violent moron.

OH MY PEOPLE!   NewSpeak in 2018.

COOL:  The 5 craziest things we learned about the universe in 2017.

CLUTCH ‘EM IF YOU GOT ‘EM:  A year to re-member: 2017 in penises.

AND THE SAME MIGHT HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T:  If you like gin and tonic you might be a psychopath.

FINALLY, LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR FOUND!  Why poop toys for kids are flying off the shelves.

I BET IT WAS HARD TO CUT THE LIST DOWN TO THESE:  So Much Fun: Top Feminist Fails of 2017.

CONSIDERING THE RATE OF KEEPING NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS, I WOULDN’T BRAG ABOUT THAT:  Men don’t care about improving themselves quite like women do.

I’M VERY BAD.  I LOLED:  Five Tweets That Did Not Age Well In 2017.

THAT WILL CURB CHURCH SHOOTINGS:  Praise the Lord, Pass the Ammunition? Texas AG Says It’s OK to Pack Heat in Pews.

INDEED!  THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE:  Study Finds GOP Cares About Voter Fraud, Dems Care Only if It Hurts GOP.

OF COURSE HE DOES:  Video: Professor Urges Students to Break Laws.

I’M HUMAN I WRITE ABOUT HUMANS.  UNLESS THESE ‘MINORITIES’ AREN’T HUMAN, IT’S UNLIKELY THEY’RE SO DIFFERENT FROM ME I CAN’T UNDERSTAND THEM.  OH, ALSO, NOPE, I WILL NOT CATER TO THE WHIMS OF THE MENTALLY ILL:   The Volunteer Auxiliary Thought Police.

STEP ONE, REMOVE MARXISTS FROM POWER:  Finally: Signs of a real economic recovery for the US.

IOW OLD WOMEN AND UGLY WOMEN WANT TO HANDICAP THE COMPETITION.  THIS WILL WORK ABOUT AS WELL ON YOUNG WOMEN TODAY AS IT DID ON ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG:  Social Justice Warriors Want Women to Ditch Their High Heels.

A TOUGH CHOICE:  Worst of MSNBC 2017.

SHOCKED, SHOCKED:  Sean Davis:  The Top Ten Underreported Stories of 2017.

KINGS OF FAKE NEWS:   This Is CNN.

A YEAR END LIST YOU CAN BE GLAD YOU AREN’T ON:  The craziest medical mishaps of 2017.