IT’S A ONE-STOP INSECURITIES SHOP:  Of course ‘Goop for Men’ sells erectile dysfunction pills.

HELLOOOOOOO 21ST CENTURY!  Woman receives bionic hand with sense of touch.

THE CRY OF THE DYING TAXOSAURUS:  Cuomo Promises to Sue Over New Tax Law.

POOR SHOCKED FACE.  SO WORN:  Media Matters Funding Sexual Assault Witch Hunt on Republicans.

BUT I THOUGHT THE SCIENCE WAS SETTLED!  Humans reached America 10K years earlier than previously thought.

I… I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY:  You Can Now Pump The Gas Yourself In Oregon’s Rural Places, And People’s Reactions Take Stupidity To Another Level.  My very favorite is the person wondering about gas station attendants losing their jobs, as if there were no other jobs they could take.  I mean, I’m sure we’ve all seen the vast hordes of displaced gas station attendants begging by the side of the highway in other states.  In fact, considering how long it’s been since other states had gas station attendants, they are now generational displaced gas station attendants.   That’s their only genetic capability.  They were maximally optimized by evolution to pump gas, and now that the jobs don’t exist, they just stand there, forlornly, grandad, dad, grandchild, in their faded overalls with names over the pockets, holding up cardboard signs that say “please, give!”  Will no one think of the plight of those who are no longer paid for pumping gas?   Their livelihood and dignity is gone forever and they shall multiply, a purposeless and desperate tribe upon the Earth, longing only for a return of the glory days when people couldn’t pump their own gas.  (Why, yes, that is a dent on my forehead, and it matches the one on my desk, because if I pound enough maybe the stupidity will stop bothering me.)

I RESEARCHED THESE FOR A SHORT STORY WHERE THE WHOLE POINT WAS FOR THE PISTOL TO BE INEFFECTIVE:  Pocket Pistols.

YOU KNOW, MY SHOCKED FACE IS GETTING KIND OF WORN OUT!   Keith Ellison Endorses Antifa.

ANOTHER “TRUMP DOSSIER”?  IT MUST BE THURSDAY:  Michael Wolff, fabulist.

COMMUNIST EFFICIENCY!  North Korea’s own Lil’ Kim hits his own city with a missile.

WHAT THE LEFT IN MY FIELD HATES TO ADMIT:  The Quiet Diversity of Robert Anson Heinlein -by Christopher Nuttall.

AMANDA GREEN IS DONE WITH HILLARY’S BOOK!  HRC: The End (or is it?) – by Amanda S. Green.

IT’S ALWAYS IN THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK:  Construction Workers Discover 130-Million-Year-Old Perfectly Preserved Dinosaur Eggs In China.

WHAT THEY NEED IS A NEW PSYCHIATRIST:  Change and history: the Times gets a new publisher.

BECAUSE PEOPLE IN CHARGE OF FIGHTING SHOULD BE PACIFISTS!  Progressives Freak Over Photo Of Armed Secretary Of The Navy.  Remember when I told you that logic was a tool of patriarchy?  It’s a ploy of conservatives too.  This is why the left eschews it.

NEWS I WANT TO USE:  Are Ammo Prices Ready To Drop?

BECAUSE, REASONS:  Meryl Streep Excuses Self, Blames Trump Women Over #Weinstein. Logic is a tool of a the patriarchy!

IN AN INTERVIEW GRANTED FROM HIS COLLEGE DORM:  Pizza for breakfast is good for you, food expert claims.

EXPERTS BLAME THE ABSENCE OF SAFETY CAPS:  Man mistakes glue for eye drops, extreme pain ensues.

THEY HAVE WHAT?  ONCE MORE I FIND ‘MOST WOMEN’ LIVE IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE:  Nearly half of women have experienced ‘period shaming’.

NEWS I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE TO USE:  Doctors Find Ketchup Packet Stuck In Woman’s Intestine For 6 Years.

THEY’VE MADE THEIR PRIORITIES CLEAR:  California Government Drops Ball On Ammo, But State Has No Problem Handling Pot.

AT LEAST IT’S INTERESTING:  Specialize or Generalize? Heinlein vs. Smith (Maybe.)

FOUR WORDS: BODY FLUIDS ON EQUIPMENT:  Naked workouts are coming to your gym — what could possibly go wrong?

MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!   Americans will eat more meat than ever before this year.