WHAT A COINCIDENCE. I’M WORRIED ABOUT CRAZY COMMIE BERNIE HARMING THE COUNTRY:  Clyburn Is Nervous About Bernie Harming Democrats.

THAT CARD IS OVERPLAYED AND WAY OVERDRAWN:  You might be a Racist if…

LOOK, THE IDEA THAT THERE ARE PEOPLE TOO STUPID TO LEARN TO DO THINGS MACHINES CAN’T DO HAS BEEN WITH US MY ENTIRE LIFE. AND ALL IT SHOWS IS THE ELITISM AND, YES, STUPIDITY OF PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT WAY. ANDREW YANG IS A SMUG ELITIST WHO SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HIMSELF:  Andrew Yang and Automation.

PESTILENCE, FAMINE. HAS ANYONE HEARD FROM WAR, RECENTLY?  Keeping Africa on the brink of starvation.

OKAY, JUST SO WE’RE CLEAR TRUST IN UN NUMBERS, WHO NUMBERS, OR EVEN CDC NUMBERS IS A MUG’S GAME. THERE AREN’T THAT MANY TESTS. NO ONE REALLY IS BEING TESTED UNLESS THE LINE OF INFECTION IS OBVIOUS. SURE, DON’T PANIC. BUT KEEP IN MIND WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING, REALLY:  Cut thru myths to see facts about COVID-19

No, we can’t trust UN numbers. We can’t trust UN numbers on pretty much anything. Heck, we can’t trust numbers HERE and we’re better organized than most countries. Do you really believe every case has been identified here? Seriously? I have yet to hear of anyone being TESTED unless they were evacuated from Wuhan or in contact with those people.  And as for other countries, well, there are no cases in Portugal. And if you believe that given the massive tourism industry the country subsists on, and the business ties to Asia, I would like to sell you a bridge in Brooklyn. All that means is “Nobody has been tested, and besides lalalalalalala.”

So all these “debunking” articles are cute, and show a touching faith in the numbers produced by bureaucracies we know lie to us on practically everything else.

So, do I advise going around with your hair on fire. No. I advise being sensible. Stay out of hospitals, unless you can’t. Work from home if you have the option (of course we don’t this week. Because of course.) Get some non-perishables and needed medicines. Don’t go kissing strangers or glad-handing snotty babies. Wash your hands. Try to stay healthy.

WE ALSO KNOW:  Bean: More Anti-American Propaganda Now than Blacklist Era.

WE KNOW:  John Bolton Admits Last-Minute Impeachment Leak Was A Publicity Stunt.

HE PAID FOR THE RIGHT TO TWEET THAT IN BLOOD:  Steve Scalise Wins Tweet of the Year.

YEAH. EVERYBODY KNOWS:  Daily Mail: Ilhan Omar married her brother.

If we’re NOT going to get heads on pikes, can we at the very least see deportations for immigration fraud?

THE WRITERS OF THE BABYLON BEE ARE HAVING A HARD TIME COMPETING WITH THE WASHINGTON POST. AND I DON’T BLAME THEM:  Washington Post Says Elites Must Choose Our President.

THE BEST IN US:  Trump Rally In Arizona Honors WWII Veteran.

THE GOSPEL OF ENVY:  Blame Billionaires: The World According to AOC.

GREEN DEAD DEAL:  Coronavirus has temporarily reduced China’s CO2 emissions by a quarter.

TOTALITARIANS SUCK AT EVERYTHING. EVEN DISEASE CONTAINMENT:  Wuhan Virus Watch: Five Coronavirus Patients to be Transferred to Spokane Hospital’s Isolation Ward.

And the rest of us are stupid if we believe anything they say.

ABOUT TIME:  Trump signs memorandum diverting water to California’s Central Valley farms.

THOSE WHO CAN GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT, CAN TAKE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE AND DESTROY YOUR WILL TO LIVE: I Have Reservations.

I BLAME TRUMP … OR CLIMATE CHANGE … OR MAYBE BOTH! OH, HECK WHO’M I KIDDING: THIS IS COOL:  ‘Ice volcanoes’ are erupting on Lake Michigan.

OF COURSE THEY COULD – I’VE SEEN IT IN DOZENS OF MOVIES!  OKAY, THAT’S NOT TRUE. I’D HAVE TO COUNT, BUT IT’S UNLIKELY I’VE WATCHED DOZEN OF MOVIES. BUT I’VE READ IT IN ALL KINDS OF THRILLERS!  Could hackers turn satellites into weapons?

LOOK AT THE INCENTIVES:  Not Rocket Science: Evidence Proves Amnesty Results in More Illegal Immigration .

YES, IT’S KNOWN AS NATIONAL SECURITY (ROLLS EYES.):  John Bolton Complains About Classified Information Being “Censored” From His Book .

THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE:  Hunter Biden Served On Board Of Trade Coalition Pushing For More Aid To Ukraine.

YOU KNOW? WHAT I WANT TO SEE IS SOME PUNISHMENT:  Trump Trolls Senate Democrat Caught Meeting With Iranian Regime: That Sure Sounds Like A ‘Violation Of The Logan Act’.

I FEEL BAD FOR HIM TOO. THERE’S SO MUCH MORE DEMAND FOR HATE CRIMES THAN THERE IS SUPPLY:  Trevor Noah: ‘I Kind of Feel Bad for [Jussie Smollett]’.

INDEED:  Bloomberg’s China Conflict of Interest.

I SUBMIT IT’S NOT THEM THE LEFT HATES. IT’S CIVILIZATION:  Thatcher and Reagan: Why Do They Hate Them So?