AT AMAZON, Digital Deals.

Also, today only: Rug Doctor Mighty Pro, $299.99.

OBAMA TO ROMNEY: “You schunk my battleship!” Just keep him away from Operation! Oops — too late!

UPDATE: Bayonet company: Don’t be dissing us!

ANOTHER UPDATE: Donald Sensing on bayonets. “Sarcasm and condescension only work if the speaker’s presumption of lofty superior knowledge is borne out by his command of actual facts. You can’t successfully accuse your opponent of being an ignoramus when you don’t know what you’re talking about yourself.”

MORE: Reader Dave Rosenfeld writes: “Given all of today’s talk about bayonets, you might want to let your readers know that the Marine Corps OKC-3S bayonet is available on Amazon.” Good point!

OBAMA TRIES A LITTLE CANCER HUMOR, because cancer is hilarious. As Jonathan S. Tobin adds at Commentary, “the main takeaway from the president’s campaign in an increasing sense of anger and frustration as the polls show him losing ground. There’s still time for him to reverse this trend, but one suspects trying to be the quipster-in-chief isn’t the way to do it.”

DEMOCRATIC DIRTY TRICKS IN FLORIDA: “Voters are getting letters that look like they are from local elections offices, questioning their citizenship. But Local 6 has learned the letters are fake, and they are going out across Central Florida and many other parts of the state. Officials on Monday said voters who had received the letters thus far are white, registered Republicans who consistently vote in elections.”

N.C. GONE FOR TEAM OBAMA. Is Virginia next?

UPDATE: Axelrod and Messina: Remain calm — all is well!

MORE: Obama Unnerved — by Ohio?

MORE STILL (FROM GLENN): Gallup: Romney 51, Obama 46. Time for another DOJ investigation of Gallup!

PLEASE UPDATE YOUR NEWSPEAK DICTIONARY ACCORDINGLY: UNC drops term ‘freshman’ in favor of ‘gender-inclusive’ language.

MARK STEYN: The Remorseless Assault on Free Speech (cont.). “It’s not a small thing when the President of the United States chooses for political advantage to inflict significant damage on America’s commitment to free speech. One thing the western left shares with Islam is a ferocious need to punish dissent – or (to give it its proper name) apostasy.”

Related: John Fund: When Political Speech Comes Under Fire. Punch back twice as hard. In particular, people on the right need to start filing civil rights lawsuits against organized efforts to censor their speech.

MICHAEL GREVE: Reckless Endangerment: Global Warming in the Courts.

CULTURE OF CORRUPTION: Video: Did Biden get his brother a lucrative contract in Iraq?

They told me if I voted for John McCain, administration cronies and relatives would be getting rich off of Iraq boodle. And they were right!

ATTACKING SHERROD BROWN by tying him to Obama. Love the portrait in the background.

TWO DEBATE OBSERVATIONS FROM MICHAEL WALSH:

First, speaking as the son of a Marine Corps officer and the brother of a Navy officer, I think Obama’s “horses and bayonets” wisecrack wasn’t his biggest miscalculation. All that did was lose him the military vote in the Norfolk area and thus, most likely, the state of Virginia. Rather, it was the weird way he kept conflating the war-fighting purpose of the military with “taking care” of the veterans after they come home. Military personnel deeply resent the implication, so earnestly peddled by the bed-wetting civilians at the New York Times, among others, that returning vets are just a PTSD psycho hair-trigger away from going postal. They’re soldiers, Mr. President, not crybabies.

Second, I think the moment that won the debate, and perhaps the election, for Romney came near the end, when Romney was speaking and Obama fixed him with the Punahou Death Stare . . . and Romney just kept right on going, making his points directly to Obama, entirely unflustered by the president’s juvenile tactics. That spoke volumes about the character of the two men and no one who was watching could have missed it.

And from Roger Kimball:

Probably Romney’s single best line last night was “Attacking me is not an agenda,” but his more devastating responses centered on two large issues: the president’s record, which has been an unmitigated litany of failure, and his lack of a coherent plan going forward.

“Forward,” of course, is the president’s campaign slogan, and Romney adroitly turned that around: Yes, we need to go forward, but another Obama term would mean going back to the failed policies that brought you a $16 trillion federal debt ($5.5 trillion added all by his lonesome self in less than fours years), high unemployment, record deficits, record numbers of people on food stamps, high energy prices, etc., etc.

For his part, the president returned again and agin to two themes: 1. it was Bush’s fault (with Dick Cheney thrown in at one point to frighten the children), where by “it” I mean whatever problem is at hand, foreign or domestic: it’s all Bush’s fault, unless there was a success, in which case, the glory is all Obama’s; and 2. we can solve the economic crisis by asking “the wealthy” to pay a little bit more.

Blaming George Bush for anything at this point, four years on, is simply embarrassing, so I will pass over that. But it is worth spending a moment on the president’s aria about “the rich.”

Read the whole thing.

INVESTOR’S BUSINESS DAILY: ObamaCare’s IPAB anti-repeal provision unconstitutional?

THE NEW CIVILITY: MSNBC audience boos 9-year-old girl for saying she thinks Romney should win the election. Video at the link.

LEGAL EDUCATION UPDATE: Former Thomas Jefferson Law School Administrator Admits to Cooking Placement Stats.

THUG NATION: Video: Reporter Asking Questions Threatened by Eric Holder’s Bodyguard. “After a visit by Attorney General Eric Holder to the Justice Department Voting Section yesterday, a reporter attempting to ask Holder questions about the visit was threatened by one of Holder’s bodyguards. Holder was visiting the Voting Section of the DOJ to pose for photographs with the attorneys who will be enforcing federal election law over the last two weeks of the presidential campaign.” What was the guard’s name?

MORE NEWS YOU CAN USE: 5 Foods That Will Actually Improve Your Sex Life.

IN LIGHT OF HIS COMMENT ABOUT HORSES AND BAYONETS, here’s some recommended reading for President Obama: Horse Soldiers: The Extraordinary Story of a Band of US Soldiers Who Rode to Victory in Afghanistan. Remember when they had to air-drop saddles? Perhaps Obama will have more time for reading, soon.

JENNIFER RUBIN: TEN DEBATE TAKEAWAYS. Including these: “Both camps know that Obama got the sequestration answer wrong. The idea of putting defense on the chopping block came from the White House during the budget ceiling talks and, moreover, Obama signed the bill. . . . President Obama is in some state of duress, realizing he lacks an agenda. His repackaged binder of ideas got a thumbs down from the skeptical media.”

The fact that Obama is facing any skepticism from the media is, of course, the biggest indicator of how things are going.

WAR ON WOMEN: ObamaCare v. women.

NEWS YOU CAN USE: Did You Know There Were Collagen Injections Available For Your G-Spot?

GOOD, WE NEED EVERYONE: Log Cabin endorses Mitt Romney. Oh, yeah and — preference cascade, baby!

GOVERNMENT: IRS Requires 850,000 Tax Preparers to Register, and Then Sells Their Confidential Information for $35.

THE OBAMA PLAN:  Reelect him and find out what’s really in it!

BOB OWENS: Why Romney’s Right: Many Cheap Ships Safer Than Few Expensive Ones. “With a smaller fleet, losing just one of our technological marvels is a crippling security blow and too much risk.”

ELI LAKE REPORTS: A Benghazi suspect is being held in Tunisia, of all places.