INSTA, ER, SOMETHING: My post on water shutoff valves got me an email from Bob Gordon, President of the Gordon Tool Company, which makes The Gordon Wrench, asking if that was the tool I meant. Nope. Never heard of it before. Sounds handy, though. It doesn’t look like it would fit my outside shutoff valve, though — looks more like it’s made for those behind toilets and under sinks.

UPDATE: Reader Eric Rapp writes:

I have one of those. It was left behind by the previous owners of my house (along with a leaky roof, terrible plastering, and a nearly fire-inducing wiring fault in the doorbell, not that I’M BITTER!). It was very handy for turning off the toilet valve, but I don’t see how it could be used for an
outside water line. On the subject of wrenches, though…

As a public service announcement for your LA readers, you may want to mention that a gas valve wrench is absolutely essential and could be a lifesaver whenever we have our serious earthquake. I’m sure they can be bought somewhere for less than 9 dollars, but even if not, 9 bucks isn’t too much to pay to keep one’s house from exploding, is it? (This is a serious, no foolin’ danger after earthquakes. Broken gas lines pump out a lot of gas and even a tiny spark can make everything go boom fall down.)

Yes. And even in areas outside earthquake-prone California, things like floods, landslides, etc. can cause similar problems.

Several readers emailed that I seem to know a lot about tools for a law professor. Well, as with many of my talents “for a law professor” is the operative phrase there. My younger brother nursed a Sunbeam Rapier with serious fuel-system problems across the Sahara desert. I’m not in his league. (For that matter, my youngest brother has a successful metal band and a girlfriend who has posed in Playboy. I’m not in his league, either). UPDATE: Reader Bill Long writes: “I hope the post about not being in the same league as your brother whose girlfriend posed for Playboy doesn’t get you into trouble with your wife. :-)” No, she’s more the Penthouse type.

UPDATE: Reader John Bruce warns not to be too quick to shut off the gas:

Your reader Eric Rapp’s comment on the need for a gas valve wrench in Los Angeles needs a caveat. If you turn off your gas as a result of an earthquake tremblor (and fairly minor ones can be frightening), you may put yourself in the position of doing without hot water or a stove for an extended period, assuming your hot water heater and appliances run on gas and have old-style pilots.

Based on experience in the 1971 and 1994 quakes, actual breaks in home gas lines are pretty rare, and you can tell if you have one by hissing and a bad smell. If that’s the case, definitely turn off the gas outside. But if you panic like many folks in a quake, turn it off unnecessarily, and don’t know how to relight your pilots (often takes a very long match or a special dohickey), you may have to wait a week or more for the gas man to make it to your place and do the relight — as you reflect on the virtues of hot water and hot food.

One problem in the 1994 quake was local “heroes” who quickly ran up and down the block turning off folks’ gas FOR them. Dumb guys come in all shapes, sizes, and circumstances.

Yeah, it’s a mistake to turn it off unless you have good reason to suspect a leak.

UPDATE: Still more plumbing tales of woe from my Spoonerist alter-ego. And there’s even a Gray Davis corruption scandal angle.