PRIME MINISTER ZOOLANDER:

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEF: We’re Still Open for Business! “We here at PJ Media are lucky, we are all still working while so many in the country aren’t. Somebody has to write about all of this insanity, and these are heady times for those of us who have been working remotely for years. What we are calling ‘social distancing’ now used to be referred to as my mood. Once I realized that I had enough toilet paper and vodka I knew that this was the crisis I’ve been prepping for.”

VIDEO: Stuck at Home? These 12 Famous Museums Offer Virtual Tours You Can Take on Your Couch.

JOE HILDEBRAND: Why the death of the Democratic middle will deliver Trump’s win. “Democrat voters have a choice between a genially demented candidate and a genuinely deranged one but the most embarrassing part is that both of them are more electable than painfully self-pitying senators crying sexism from their east coast estates.”

HOARDING: Amazon says it is out of stock of household items and deliveries are delayed due to coronavirus demand.

I was at Sam’s Club around noon on Sunday, and while the crowds weren’t awful, staples were hard to find and the meat selection was minimal.

OH: Gillum’s Overdosed ‘Friend’ Was Actually a Gay Sex Worker. “Gillum was found in a Mondrian South Beach Hotel room in Miami Beach with Travis Dyson, a 30-year-old who identifies himself as a ‘pornstar performer,’ according to WPLG, which cited his profile on a gay male escort website called Rent Men.”

THEY’RE ON THE OTHER SIDE: House Dems: Let Convicted Terrorists Work for the TSA!

GRUMPY OLD WHITE MEN: Drunkblogging the Democratic Diversity Debate. “With Calderón as one of the moderators, I’m hoping the candidates get a chance to try out their campaign trail Spanish. Or in Biden’s case, his English.”

(Bumped.)

HEH: Is Bernie Sanders Racist? His ‘Every Major Country on Earth’ Talking Point Excludes Billions.

SET ASIDE THE SERIOUS NEWS FOR A FEW MINUTES: Florida Man Friday: Gillum as Charged. “I did not have sexual relations with that man, Mr. Florida.”

P. DAVID HORNIK: Iran’s ‘Worst Nightmare’ Coming True: Middle Eastern Shiites Rise Up Against It. “Shiites in countries that Shiite Iran seeks to dominate are now telling Iran to go home and get off their backs”

HUFFPO’S GOTTA HUFFPO: Coronavirus Fears Are Decimating The Sex Industry.

CHICAGOLAND: Smollett Case Roils the Race for Cook County State’s Attorney.

MAKE THE PUNISHMENT FIT THE CRIMINAL: Michael Avenatti held in ‘rat-infested’ cell that ‘reeks of urine.’

CHANGE? Californians Turn Down Higher Taxes, Debt. “The defeat Tuesday of the largest borrowing proposal in the history of California schools — $15 billion for repairs — has opened the question of whether Californian voters put a temporary halt to the growth of government debt because of the unsettled political scene, or because they are on the cusp of a tax revolt akin to one in the 1970s that brought landmark changes to property taxes.”

NON-SHOCKING HEADLINE OF THE DAY: Democrats Cite Wuhan Virus to Push Longstanding Policy Priorities.

OH: Biden’s Coronavirus Advisor Told the Elderly to Avoid Flu Shots, Vaccines.

BREAKING: Was Florida Democrat Andrew Gillum Involved in a Meth Overdose?

VIDEO: 35 Times the Media Said ‘Wuhan Coronavirus’ or ‘Chinese Coronavirus.’

GEORGE NEUMAYR: Dems Overestimate Biden’s Success.

Just as Bernie Sanders reaped the benefits of the anti-Hillary vote in 2016, Biden benefited from the anti-Bernie vote in 2020. Biden didn’t even have to break a sweat against Bernie and company, such were their obvious weaknesses. Biden has largely avoided interviews and given short speeches, as his handlers keep him on a tight leash.

Yet even with all this obvious handling, Biden has managed to get himself into some trouble. On Tuesday, before the Michigan primary, he called a Detroit union worker a “horse’s ass” and said he was “full of shit” for raising concerns about Biden’s record on guns.

Now the party elders who have pulled Biden across the finish line want to keep him out of any more debates. James Clyburn, the congressman who was so critical to Biden’s success in South Carolina, said on Tuesday, “It is time for us to cancel the rest of these debates.”

The less Biden talks, the better, according to the party elders who orchestrated his victories. “The waters parted for Joe Biden like no other candidate has ever seen,” said Gloria Borger of CNN. “It’s almost as if he’s standing there saying, ‘What? What? I’m here?’ Because he did everything wrong. He lost a couple times, he came in second or third. This should not have happened, but it did happen to him.”

I published a related item last night for PJMedia/Townhall VIP members: Joe Biden: The Blanche DuBois of American Politics. “Increasingly frail and delusional, and dependent as always on the kindness of strangers.”

That VODKAPUNDIT promo code is still good for a nice little discount if you’ve been thinking of becoming a member.

WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT STUDIES? Study: People are more willing to share their data if they’ll be paid for it.

I think that’s called “selling” not “sharing.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEF: Screw It America, I’m Beer Blogging. “There is no end game to any of the cancellation madness. If there were, it would all make more sense. Put some metrics in place that would trigger the end of the postponements and cancellations. What we’ve seen in the last two days is all-out panic, which is never useful.”

A GOOD RESOURCE: The comprehensive Ars Technica guide to the coronavirus.

Updated every day at 3pm Eastern.

WHEN DAYS COUNT, GOVERNMENT IS ONLY WEEKS AWAY: CDC admits they have only completed 70 coronavirus tests THIS WEEK – despite Trump promising MILLIONS more.

CDC has gotten so politicized over the last 25 years or so that it doesn’t take a paranoic to wonder if they’re dragging their feet. Even if they are moving as quickly as possible, the CDC’s ongoing progressive-minded mission-creep means they have only themselves to blame for any doubts.

WELCOME TO THE PARTY, PALS: It’s Not Just Food And Hand Sanitizer — Panicked Coronavirus Shoppers Are Stocking Up On Guns And Body Armor.