31% WOULD CONSIDER BUYING A CAR?  CITY DWELLERS!  Many Americans considering moving to a less populated area to avoid COVID-19.

UNEXPECTEDLY!  Kids are developing PTSD from coronavirus pandemic.

NEW YORK FINISHES SECOND TO LAST! CALIFORNIA THIRD FROM THE BOTTOM:  New Jersey ranked least patriotic state in America.

WHO HAS SMOD ON THEIR 2020 BINGO CARD?  A gravel pile floating in space that might hit the Earth.

IT’S BEEN LIKE THAT SINCE I’VE BEEN AWARE OF POLITICS. IT’S JUST IT’S NOW IN THE OPEN. LET THE MASKS HIT THE FLOOR:  Persecution is now cool!

DO THEY REALIZE WHAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY DOING IS ELIMINATING ALL MINORITIES FROM BRANDING AND NAMING???   Bye, Bye, Eskimo Pie.

IS IT TOO EARLY FOR FESTIVUS:  Idle thoughts of an irritated mind.

HOMESCHOOL. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO DO IT AFTER SCHOOL:  Libby Emmons: My 10-Year-Old Son’s Woke Indoctrination In NYC Schools.

WHICH PROVES IT’S GASLIGHTINNG ALL THE WAY DOWN:  Media Raises Hysteria Over Trump Tulsa Rally After Celebrating Mass Protests.

WHAT CAN’T GO ON, WON’T GO ON:  Blue Flu From Bad Politics Infects Atlanta.

HOW LONG TILL THEY BAN THE WORD “SANITY”?  Duluth Mayor Plans To Ban Word “Chief”.

THIS:  A Raised Fist Is A Threat: Fight Back, No Surrender.

IT JUST FEELS LIKE IT IS FOR THE LEFT, SO THEY’RE TRYING TO REDISTRIBUTE THE JOY:  The World is Not Ending.

THIS IS NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING. IT NEVER WAS. EVEN THE WHO HAS SAID THAT THE CLOTH MASKS DO NOTHING. AT THIS POINT THIS IS STOMPY FOOT POWER FOR POWER’S SAKE: California Gov. Newsom Issues Statewide Order Requiring Masks in Public.

HEY, CUOMO, I’VE SEEN NUMBERS OF DEATHS, OKAY? YOU CAN’T QUARANTINE TRAVELERS FROM NYC. THAT’S …. A MOBIUS YOU CAN’T BEND:  Cuomo Threatens 14-Day Quarantine for Travelers from COVID-19 Hotspots.

I… DIDN’T HAVE ALCOHOLIC KILLER MONKEYS IN MY 2020 BINGO CARD. I DON’T KNOW WHY NOT, REALLY:  Alcoholic killer monkey leaves one man dead and 250 injured after going on rampage when his booze supply dried up.

WELL, CAN YOU BLAME THEM?   Some Atlanta police call in sick, mayor asks for them to honor commitment.

NOT THE BABYLON BEE:  Portland Police Dept. urged to call the cops after tweeting about ‘demonstrators’ setting fires and vandalizing in the city.

D*MN IT, BABYLON BEE. YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO REPORT NEWS. SATIRE. LOOK IT UP:  Seattle Protesters Abolish Police, Replace With Squads Of Armed Individuals Tasked With Enforcing Set Of Agreed-Upon Rules.

SURPRISINGLY CREDIBLE – DAMN THOSE SNEAKY GREGORIANS:  Reading of Mayan calendar suggests end of the world is next week.

Also…. a whole week off?????

WHICH LEADS ALL OF US TO WONDER WHY THEY NEVER CALL, THEY DON’T SEND FLOWERS…  OKAY, PEOPLE, ALL OF YOU FLOSS AND USE DEODORANT!  Milky Way galaxy could be home to over 30 alien civilizations: study.

CAN YOU BLAME IT? 2020 HAS ME A LITTLE GREEN ABOUT THE GILLS, TOO:  A green glow has appeared around Mars.

THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW THEY’RE NOT SERIOUS. THEY DON’T GIVE A HANG ABOUT BLACK LIVES. THEY’RE JUST USING BLACK PEOPLE TO TERRORIZE PEOPLE INTO KOWTOWING TO MARXISM:  The enforcement of ideological purity: how the topic of black-on-black crime is handled by the left.

SO, WHAT’S THE OVER/UNDER ON GETTING THORAZINE IN THE DRINKING WATER?  ABC News exec Barbara Fedida on leave amid conduct probe.

Fedida* also joked at a company lunch following mass-shooting incidents, asking the attendees which ABC News employee would be most likely to be an active shooter, sources told the Huffington Post.

Her pattern of bad behavior includes racist comments to underlings, according to the sources.

Fedida, who oversees hiring and diversity programs for the network, has reportedly been in the crosshairs of more than a dozen human resources complaints. ABC News even hired an executive coach for her after she was at the center of an HR probe in 2016, according to the report.

*The teen at the back of my mind is giggling that in Portuguese slang her name might be read as “Smelly.”

DON’T DO BUSINESS WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN’T TRUST:  Over 1,300 Chinese Medical Suppliers to U.S.—Including Mask Providers—Use Bogus Registration Data.