HEY, I’M ACTUALLY SHOCKED THAT HE RESIGNED:  Corrupt UAW Official Resigns as Dem Superdelegate.

THE ONLY SAVING POINT OF GOVERNOR CHICKENHOPPER IS THAT, UNLIKE HIS SUCCESSOR, HE NEVER REMOVED MY RIGHT TO VOTE FOR PRESIDENT:  Hickenlooper Ducked Responsibility Regarding Police Beating, Says Victim’s Father.

WELL, DUH!  Attorney General Barr Tells Senate ‘Spying Did Occur’ Against Trump Campaign.

AND I THOUGHT THE BABYLON BEE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY?  THIS IS ENTIRELY TOO PLAUSIBLE:  Bernie Sanders Advocates For Separate Socialisms For Poor People And Rich People.

WANNA-BE FEUDAL LORDS ONE AND ALL:  Poor Little Rich Bernie Sanders.

OH DEAR LORD!  Ilhan Omar Says Quoting Her Is ‘Dangerous Incitement’.

IS THERE ANYTHING IT CAN’T DO?  How climate change is forcing vulnerable children into sex trafficking.

INTERESTING:  The Russia Hoax was originally aimed at Flynn, not Trump.

OR MAYBE THEY COULD STOP SCOLDING THEIR AUDIENCE? NAAAAAHHH THAT WOULD NEVER WORK:  Movie theaters turn to 4D technology, haptic vests to draw new audiences.

SOUNDS PLAUSIBLE: Democrats Ask Joe Biden to Solve Their Diversity Problem by Identifying As the Mayor of Chicago.

SOME SAY IT’S THE KEY TO SUCCESS. ALMOST CERTAINLY THE KEY TO HAPPINESS:  Delighting in What You Do.

WELL… IT DOES AFFECT THEIR BUSINESS:  Amsterdam sex workers angry at red light district tours ban.

DR. HAWKING COULD NOT BE REACHED FOR COMMENT:  Stephen Hawking’s theory of dark matter debunked: scientists.

THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE:  NY Times, Washington Post are still disgracefully enabling ‘Collusion Delusion’.

WAY TO KEEP IT CLASSY:  Hillary Clinton Aide Mocks Mitch McConnell For Childhood Polio Injury.

NO. SHE’S AN IDIOT. ALSO MAL-EDUCATED.  OH, AND ILL BRED. OTHER THAN THAT, I’M SURE SHE’S FINE:  Is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Ok?

KEEP IN MIND THAT IN COLORADO THEY DID THIS WITHOUT ALLOWING US TO VOTE ON IT. THERE’S ONLY ONE PROBLEM WITH THIS CR*P. IT’S UNCONSTITUTIONAL. WHICH MEANS IT’S ILLEGAL. WHICH MEANS WE CAN’T LET IT STAND:  New Mexico legislature votes to circumvent the Electoral College.

THEY WANT TO CREATE THEMSELVES A NEW PEOPLE:  Voters: On Illegal Immigration, the Democrats Are Nuts.

NAH. HE’S JUST UPSET THEY’RE NOT HIM:  Democrat Candidates Make Obama Very Nervous.

MEH. THE CORTEX IS EVEN MORE OCCASIONAL LATELY:  Dear AOC, The Definition Of Code Switching Is Pandering.

SURE. BUT THEY’RE STILL GOING TO IGNORE YOU:  Cats can recognize the sound of their names, study says.

YOU KNOW, ALL I WANT OUT OF AIR BNB IS A PLACE TO ISOLATE MYSELF AND WRITE NOW AND THEN: These wild Airbnb ‘experiences’ include eating fire, cuddling with strangers.

I MUST POINT OUT THAT CRIMES AGAINST GOOD TASTE SHOULDN’T BE CRIMINAL MATTERS:  Male tourists in Poland may face arrest for wearing mankinis.

I DO KNOW IT SUCKS. BUT WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA DO? IT STILL BEATS ALL AVAILABLE ALTERNATIVES:  Life is Pain, Highness.

THAT WILL SURELY CONTRIBUTE TO FRATERNAL HARMONY:  Identical twins both ordered to pay child support after inconclusive paternity test.