TURKEY IS A VERY UNSTABLE SUBSTANCE:  Woman sues Aldi over ‘exploding’ turkey burger.

DADGUM GLASS CEILING EVEN BLOCKS THE SELF-EMPLOYED! AUTOMAGICALLY!  Marriage is still the main way for women to get rich: study.

GOOD:  Washington State Man Arrested After Threatening Pro-Gun Sheriffs.

A TWO-SIDED WAR?  Leftists and reality.

YOU CAN VOTE YOUR WAY INTO SOCIALISM, BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOOT YOUR WAY OUT:  Venezuela is Burning, Useful Idiots Don’t Care.

ALSO PROFANE AND ALSO NOT WRONG:  CNN Soils Its Frilly Panties at an Acting SECDEF Shooting Something.

PROFANE BUT NOT WRONG:  Eric Swalwell: 2020 Desperation to Out-Left the Left.

AGREED:  To Brie Larson & Company: Please Stop.

OH, DEAR, DEAR LORD:  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Is Getting Her Own Comic Book. She joins a long list of other progressive nullities like Obama and Jean Kerry.

CAN SOMEONE READ THIS ARTICLE TO THE AUTHOR OF THE LAST ARTICLE? USE SMALL WORDS:  Capitalism Isn’t Corporatism or Cronyism.

SURE. THE SYSTEM THAT LIFTED THE WHOLE WORLD ABOVE POVERTY WILL STARVE US. AUTOMAGICALLY. BECAUSE SOMEONE SAYS SO. AND YET, I STILL DON’T THINK WE NEED A TABLESPOON OF SOCIALIST SEWAGE IN THE BARREL OF FREE TRADE WINE:  Unless It Changes, Capitalism Will Starve Humanity By 2050.

OH, DEAR LORD. REALLY? IF YOU MUST WEAR DRAG, MUST YOU DRESS LIKE QUEEN VICTORIA? ALSO, SHINY BLACK VELVET? IS HE COMING OUT AS A VAMPIRE NOW? Billy Porter Slays in a Christian Siriano Tuxedo Dress on the Oscars Red Carpet.

WOW! SNOPES FACT CHECKS THE BABYLON BEE.  AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS JOKING WHEN I CALLED THE BEE AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD.  ALSO, HAVE WE REACHED PEAK 2019 YET? I DON’T THINK I CAN TAKE MUCH MORE INSANITY.  ONE THING IS THE CRAZY YEARS, ANOTHER THE YEARS WITH UNDERPANTS ON THEIR HEADS:  Was ‘Empire’ Actor Jussie Smollett Offered a Job at CNN?

FROM MY FRIEND, MARTIN SHOEMAKER:  Today I Am Carey.

REMARKABLE DEBUT NOVEL FROM CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED AUTHOR MARTIN L. SHOEMAKER. Shoemaker proves why he has consistently been praised as one of the best story writers in SF today with this touching, thoughtful, action-packed debut novel, based on his award-winning short story Today I am Paul.

Mildred is dying of Alzheimer’s Disease. As her memories fade, she requires the aid of a full-time android to assist her in her everyday life. The android’s duty: to tend to Mildred as Alzheimer’s steals her away one memory at a time, and to pretend to be her absent family.

Soon, Mildred passes away, and the android Carey must find a new purpose in the world–and in its new family: Paul Owens, the overworked businessman. Susan Owens, the dedicated teacher. And Millie, a curious little girl who will grow up alongside her android best friend. As the humans around it age and change, Carey struggles to understand life’s challenges and to make its own path. Carey must learn to live. To grow. To care.

Today I Am Carey is a story about life . . . and an android’s memories.

ME NEITHER, BUT IT SEEMS UNLIKELY. HE SHOULD BE ASKED ABOUT IT AT EVERY POSSIBLE OPPORTUNITY. IT’S ONLY FAIR:  I don’t know if Andrew McCabe has stopped beating his wife.

OF COURSE SHE DID:  D.C. Swamp Creature: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Used PAC Money To Pay Boyfriend.

THAT’S JUST AS WELL. THEY’RE STARTING TO SCARE ME:  Democrats are afraid of the truth.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? 100 MILLION PLUS DEAD, LET’S GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY?   GO HOME LIZZY. YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH FIRE WATER: Elizabeth Warren Shows Her Socialist Stripes.

OKAY, GUYS, BE HONEST: HAVE WE REACHED PEAK STUPID YET?   Out Magazine Doesn’t Care That Iran And ISIS Murder Homosexuals Because Trump BAD!

INSERT JOKE ABOUT THERE BEING HOPE FOR OCCASIONAL CORTEX:  Boy born ‘without brain’ defies odds to live.

TURNS OUT A WOMAN NEEDS A MAN. AND A MAN NEEDS A WOMAN. WELL, STATISTICALLY. IN MOST CASES. WONDER WHY WE EVER THOUGHT THAT WASN’T TRUE?  Being in a relationship can help fight the cold: study.

YEAH? THAT’S BECAUSE HE’S LYING. AN NO, IT’S NOT TRUMP’S FAULT:  Trevor Noah Questions Jussie Smollett’s Story: “The Story Just Doesn’t Make Sense”.

WOW. IT’S ALMOST AS THOUGH WOMEN ARE ALSO HUMAN AND #BELIEVE ALL WOMEN IS UTTER NONSENSE:  ‘I was abused by my girlfriend’.

OH, DEAR, DEAR LORD:  How Brie Larson Can Really Impact Diversity.

THE FIFTH COLUMN MARCHES ON:  Dems Oppose Bill Alerting ICE To Illegal Immigrants Trying To Buy Guns.