OH, BABYLON BEE, YOU HAD ONE JOB. AND IT WASN’T BECOMING AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD!  House Democrats Draft Legislation That Would Make It A Hate Crime To Eat At Chick-Fil-A.

REAL CHANGE:  The Way You Change Things.

I REALIZED THIS WEEKEND PEOPLE DON’T REALLY BELIEVE IN DIFFERENT CULTURES, BE THEY IN THE PAST OR IN OTHER COUNTRIES. SURE THEY CAN PROCESS DIFFERENT FOODS AND DIFFERENT NAMES FOR THINGS, BUT THEY CAN’T BELIEVE THAT THE SAME ACTION WILL BE INTERPRETED RADICALLY DIFFERENT IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. IT JUST WON’T COMPUTE.  THIS FUELS INTERNATIONALIST, GLOBAL AND OPEN BORDERS DELUSIONS, AND ALL SORTS OF FUZZY FEELINGS/THOUGHTS ABOUT INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS, TOO:  There Is No Time Or Distance.

… CAN THEY BOTH LOSE?  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez out to primary Chuck Schumer?

THEY RAN AND GOT AN EXCAVATOR:  Oberlin College ignored the First Law of Holes responding to the jury verdict against it.

AND YOU’RE LUCKY TO HAVE DUST. BEFORE LONG, VENEZUELA WILL PROBABLY RUN OUT OF DUST:  Capitalism Makes Miracles; Socialism Makes Dust.

IMAO, WILL YOU STOP JUST REPORTING STRAIGHT NEWS.  SATIRE. YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE SATIRE. YOUR STUFF ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE SCARILY PLAUSIBLE:  Sanders Vows to Bypass Snowballing Hyperinflation Phase Of Socialism, Go Directly To Brutal Government Crackdown On Public Gatherings Protesting Food Shortages.

GOOD:  Trump threatens the very scary Leftist God complex.

IT’S GETTING CROWDED UNDER THERE. AT THIS RATE THE WHEELS OF CIVILIZATION WILL NEVER MEET THE ROAD:  Lesbians join white males under the bus.

THEY’VE BEEN DRINKING THEIR OWN INK A LONG WHILE NOW. THAT STUFF IS POISONOUS:  The Avengers vs. Democrats: Swalwell’s Delusion.

YES, I KNOW. AND YET MY IMMEDIATE IMPULSE IS TO SAY “THE DEAD SPEAK! THIS IS TRULY AN AGE OF WONDERS.”:  Ginsburg Praises Kavanaugh For Law Clerk Team.

THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE:  Theresa May Stayed Silent About Iran-Backed Bomb Factory In London.

I HATED IT TOO BUT IT NEVER OCCURRED EVEN TO MY WHINY TEEN SELF TO GO ALL INTERSECTIONAL ON IT:  Whiny researchers slam dodgeball as a tool of ‘oppression’.  I think it’s mostly a tool of sadistic gym teachers…

THERE ARE THINGS NO TEENAGE BOY WANTS TO SEE:  Mom reveals how cheap granny panties ‘saved’ her life.

GOOD. MAKE IT HURT:  Oberlin’s insurer is unlikely to cover the Gibson lawsuit award.

WHATEVER. IF HE CAN GET MEXICO TO FOLLOW THROUGH HE’LL HAVE ACHIEVED MORE THAN THE GOVERNMENT OF ANY LATIN COUNTRY HAS EVER ACHIEVED, IN THE HISTORY OF EVER:  Trump Announces Mexico Immigration Deal.

MAXINE WATERS L(IVE) A(CTION) R(OLE) P(LAYS) SENTIENCE (UNCONVINCINGLY):  Maxine Waters Takes To Twitter To Tear Down Trump.

THE HOUSE L(IVE) A(CTION) R(OLE)P(PLAYS) IMPEACHMENT:  John Dean; Witness For The Prosecution.

ONCE MORE THE MEDIA L(IVE) A(CTION) R(OLE)P(PLAYS) RESISTANCE:  Embassies Display Pride Flags, Media Get it Wrong.

YEAH.  AND EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO A MAGICAL PONY THAT CAN FLY TO THE MOON, TOO!  Gillibrand: Rights Versus Wishes.

THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE. SEE HOW SHOCKED IT IS?  Ilhan Omar Fined, Tax Fraud May Be Next.

IT ISN’T AS IF HE HASN’T MADE CLEAR THAT MERIT IS NOT HIS MOST IMPORTANT CRITERION:  Richard Carranza accused of waiving protocol to hire pals in high-ranking jobs.

THE DANGER IS TOTALITARIANISM, NOT SOCIALISM … BUT SOCIALISM IS TO TOTALITARIANISM AS BROTH IS TO SOUP OR PERHAPS HOW MAGGOTS ARE TO FLIES:  How disease, war and a remote Scottish island inspired George Orwell’s ‘1984’.

PET WHAT? YOU DIDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO THEM!  A quarter of pet parents lie to bosses about this.  And, yes, I’ve talked to the cats by saying “mommy will do x” but you know what? I’d not use that in public.  I mean, they know they were adopted.  Okay, all but Havelock-cat. He’s … developmentally slow. I’m sure he expects to grow up to be human.

YEP, SHE’S READING AGAIN:  Unfreedom of the Press – Pt 1 Or how to drive the mainstream media insane in a few easy steps By Amanda S. Green.