IT’S NOT THE SHARKS THAT BOTHER ME, IT’S THE FRICKIN’ LASER BEAMS ON THEIR HEADS: Shark sightings in the Midwest could become more common, experts say. Kind of overselling the climate-change angle here. “Feldhelm said there were two known sightings in the Mississippi River over the past century: one in Alton, Ill., in 1937 and another in Missouri in 1995.”

This could happen twice as much in the coming century! But the headline is pretty much all hype: “Heithaus said that even though the sharks’ behaviors may change, the risk of someone seeing one so far from the ocean is very small.”