SCHOLARSHIP YOU CAN USE: Jersey Shore: An Oral History. “What put Pauly D at the instant top of the list was that he owned his own tanning booth at his own house. A tanning booth is like $10,000. Who’s saving up coins and then buying a tanning booth?”

Hey, laugh if you want, but Snooki’s getting paid more than Hillary now.

Plus, a reminiscence that should make Mark Zuckerberg’s blood run cold: “Back then, Facebook was everything.”