THE FBI, CIA, DWI USA: HHS shock: 1 in 12 Americans use illegal drugs.

America is doped up — and drunk.

According to a shocking new report from the Health and Human Services Department, there were 24.6 million people aged 12 or older who used illicit drugs during just one month last year.

“That’s enough people to fill every major league baseball stadium in the U.S. 19 times,” said the report. There are 30 MLB stadiums.

Even worse: Of the 24.6 million dopers, 2.2 million were adolescents aged 12 to 17.

And it doesn’t end there. The report added that in 2013, 60.1 million individuals aged 12 or older had a binge drinking episode, including 1.6 million adolescents.

The people in Washington seem to be outperforming the average, to judge by results.

UPDATE: For those who didn’t get the Rainmakers reference, here it is.