WHEN REAL LIFE IS BEYOND PARODY: Man Doesn’t Know How Parents Ever Going To Pay Off Massive Student Loan Debt. I mean, this just reads like a news story. “Recent Wesleyan University graduate Zach Wallace confided to reporters Thursday that he has no clue how his parents are supposed to earn enough money to settle his $40,000 in student loan debt. ‘My God, they’ll be lucky if they’re able to pay this off while they’re still in their 70s,’ said the 23-year-old film studies major and unpaid intern, noting the minimum monthly payments his father and mother will need to make just to keep their heads above water.”