BUNKER UP! The World’s First Everything-Proof Underground Luxury Community. “The structure in which we are now standing was built by AT&T in 1965 to protect telephone infrastructure from a nuclear attack, but now it can protect something far more important: me and my loved ones. For just $50,000 each—half off for kids—I can buy a fractional share of the Terra Vivos underground shelter network, a project that will include at least 19 more ‘community bunkers,’ each of them located within 150 to 200 miles of a major American city. Terra Vivos is a concrete-and-steel solution to the end times, whether brought about by climate change or nuclear war or even an unavoidable realignment of the cosmic order. Wherever I happen to be at that terrible moment, I’ll have a place to live the morning after.”

UPDATE: Reader Jason Fay is unimpressed:

This will never work. Everybody knows that some asshole will hide the fact that he’s been bitten by one of the zombies. The underground bloodbath follows soon after the outer doors are sealed.

(Plus, they disarm the residents! How stupid can these people be? Haven’t they ever watched a goddamn zombie movie? Pathetic!)

At least it’s not built by Vault-Tec, and there’s no Overseer.