TEENAGERS ARE HAVING LESS SEX: “How did this turn into another occasion for hand-wringing? Is that a liberal disease? If there isn’t one problem, quick, see another problem, because programs will be needed to solve them?”

Meanwhile, people wonder why teenagers are having less sex, but that’s silly — it’s obviously because of the explosion in porn and videogames over the last 20 years. Which occurred at no cost to the taxpayers!

UPDATE: Okay, in this legislative environment, it’s probably risky to link to anything containing this advice: “The solution is thus obvious — we need a massive government program to ensure that no American teenager goes without porn and videogames Let no child be left behind!” Oh, well, it’s probably already in the bill anyway . . .