OUT: “Snowfalls are now just a thing of the past.”

IN: Baby, it’s still C-O-L-D outside. “Considering the weather outside lately, if we were expiring in any great numbers from Global Warming/Climate Change/anything AL Gore’s ever predicted, our bodies would be well preserved into early summer. Take the U.K.: ‘Balmy’ is not the word for springtime in England this year. . . . Our very own wild west is wooly, too, but that’s what they’re wearing, not a state of mind. Records have fallen over like frozen antelope. The snow and ice coverage extent measurements have only started since the advent of satellite monitoring in 2001, but when you approach doubling the average?”