TIM CAVANAUGH:

I’ve gotta get on record saying this rash of celebrities claiming they’ve been involved in stalkerazzi-related traffic accidents is straight-up bullshit. How can anybody be taking these claims at face value? Out-of-control skank Lindsay Lohan, who has already racked up an abysmal driving record in her 18 years, gets in a crash with a photographer, and we’re supposed to assume the photographer’s at fault? Accident-prone xanthochroid Cameron Diaz blames nameless shutterbugs for her bad luck, and the papers believe her? The legendarily high-strung J.Lo shows signs of persecution anxiety, and that’s the fault of the paparazzi?

I’d prefer, of course, if all of these stars were no longer covered. Give ’em what they want . . . .