July 31, 2004

I STILL HAVEN’T READ the 11th Circuit’s opinion upholding Alabama’s dumb anti-sex-toy law, but AmazonChyk’s takedown is pretty scathing: “Far be it for me to postulate as to why the Alabama legislature would pass such an inane law. Perhaps they were concerned that residents of the state were having better sex lives than they were. Or perhaps some members of the Alabama legislature felt they couldn’t compete with the Rabbit.”

There was some effort to pass such a law in Tennessee, but a group called “Well Endowed Tennesseans” made a similar argument impugning the manhood of Tennessee legislators, and once the morning-drive DJ’s picked it up the law was laughed down. Appropriately enough.

UPDATE: Diligent archive research has produced a copy of one of the W.E.T. press releases, which can be read by clicking on “more.”

Well endowed Tennesseans
A public Service organization

Immediate Release
Political Editor

Tennessee State Senate:
Home of Small Penises?

Do Tennessee legislators have small penises? “I can’t say for sure,” says Peter Johnson, president of Well-Endowed Tennesseans, “but they’re sure acting like it.” Johnson is referring to the front-page 3/18 Nashville Tennessean story about “overwhelming” Senate committee passage of a bill banning “phallic-shaped” vibrators. “If you ask me, this looks like the action of someone who has trouble satisfying women, and doesn’t want any competition.”

“Me too,” agrees organization VP Roscoe Wong. “You don’t generally see men secure in their manhood backing bills like that. But what really bothers me,” he adds, “is that it’s going to make people around the world think that all Tennesseans are like that. I mean, it’s one thing to say that the State Senate is a nest of little willies. It’s another to change our name from ‘The Volunteer State’ to “The Short-horn State.” What will our new state motto be? ‘Really, baby, size doesn’t matter’?”

“We used to be a state of manly men,” echoes Johnson. “Davy Crockett, Andrew Jackson, Sam Houston, Alvin York. It”s hard to imagine those men being threatened by a battery-powered appliance. I guess times have changed in Tennessee. Maybe we should have Richard Simmons in those ‘they’re playing our song’ commercials.”

“Yeah,” chimes in Wong. “And the song should be ‘It’s a small world, after all.”


I guess it’s easy to see why the bill’s supporters weren’t able to keep their enthusiasm up after that. And, yes, this is an actual copy of one of their press releases. I don’t know what happened to those guys, as they haven’t reappeared. But then, neither has the bill . . . .

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