THERE’S A NEW TALKING POINTS MEMO FOR THE PEACE MOVEMENT:

Question: Do you feel foolish about predicting a quagmire?

Response: Well, there is still the occupation of Iraq, which will be difficult, not to mention the anger the rest of the world feels toward us. It will inspire countless acts of terrorism against the U.S.

Question: Do the cheering Iraqis make you think that what America did was a good thing?

Response: They won’t be cheering for long once they experience globalization. When U.S. multinational corporations move in to exploit them, when they realize that the U.S. will steal their oil, they will understand what this so-called “war of liberation” was really about.

(Whenever possible use an oil reference. Also bring in the globalization angle often. This will animate our rank-and-file (all 16%) and help us raise travel funds for the next WTO meeting. For example, see next question/response.)

Question: What about the children released from the Iraqi prison?

Response: A pure tragedy. Soon-to-be Nike sweatshop workers.

This is a parody, but — as seems so often the case here — reality has outstripped fiction already, as this email from Minneapolis reader Dan Israel demonstrates:

I heard these comments from anti-war protesters (yes, still protesting) on the TV and radio here in Minneapolis yesterday…I’m not making these up:

“This isn’t liberation. The reason the people in Baghdad are cheering the US troops is because they’re starving…of course they are cheering them, they’re hoping the troops will give them some food.”

“I think it’s disgusting when you see these images of our troops giving the Iraqi children candy. They need something nutritious, not just junk food from our troops.”

Honestly, I couldn’t make these up if I tried…

No, I’m sure you couldn’t.