ALIENS. IT’S ABOUT THE ALIENS. Er, what’s the big secret that forced Mike Pence to cancel an event today? “And no, you’re not allowed to know what that thing is. Even though it was sufficiently urgent that the vice president of the United States had to cancel an event and return not just to Washington but to the White House. He’s on the job — which, one would think, rules out some personal or medical issue in the Pence family. Pence’s spokesman insists there’s no cause for alarm. And no, you can’t know what’s up. Sorry.”

Like I said, the aliens.