April 1, 2019

THE INSTA-WIFE AND I WERE ONE OF THE PAIRINGS THEY USED TO OPTIMIZE THEIR ALGORITHMS, WHICH IS NO SURPRISE: Unicorn Genes. “In the average pool of 26-year-old daters, just five people in 10,000 have Unicorn Genes — the complete set of optimal alleles for long term relationship satisfaction. (The odds of finding a single unicorn decrease with age, reaching 0.035% by age 40.) We match potential mates based on each partner’s quotient of optimal alleles. A unicorn, with four of four optimal alleles, sees other unicorns. Dates with two desirable alleles get matched with people with two alleles. Etc!”

Hey, it’s worked for us!

Okay, this is actually an April Fool, but it won’t always be that.

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