WORST. HITLER. EVER.

Hitler Brings Peace To Israel https://t.co/ct4Yl9t4qS pic.twitter.com/gOAspEsAok

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) October 9, 2025

THEY ALSO RUN ON BATTERY POWER AND CAN FIT INSIDE A STARSHIP:

The Boring Company’s “Prufrock” tunneling machine can porpoise—it arrives on a truck, tilts down, and launches into the ground within ~24 hours, then resurfaces by mining onto a trailer—so you don’t need huge launch pits or cranes. It’s also designed for “zero-people-in-tunnel”… pic.twitter.com/tAlJ6uo1O2

— Colene Copeland-Kruszynski👾 (@aerocopz) October 8, 2025

The Boring Company is just another way for Elon Musk to get other people to pay for developing the technology for colonizing Mars.

EH, WHO HASN’T? These freaky fish use their forehead teeth to have better sex.

MORE LIKE THIS, PLEASE: CNBC Smacks Jeffries Down for Shutdown.

NOW OUT: From Jimmy Hawkins, who played Tommy Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life: The Heart of It’s a Wonderful Life: How the Most Inspirational Movie of All Time Still Inspires the Spirit.

EXERCISE: Physical exercise can ‘train’ the immune system.

BYRON YORK: Trump immigration officials still struggling with Biden’s legacy.

You’ve seen videos of resistance to Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents doing their jobs. Just yesterday, the Democratic mayor of Chicago, Brandon Johnson, declared the city an “ICE-free zone.” Gov. JB Pritzker (D-IL), Johnson’s ally in the fight against enforcing federal immigration law, referred to federal immigration agents as Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem’s “thugs.”

So the Trump administration has an uphill climb just trying to enforce the laws of the United States. But it also has to deal with the aftermath of Biden’s strategy not only to allow illegal border crossers to stay in the U.S. but to indiscriminately award them some measure of protection from deportation.

One way Biden did that was by abusing what is called “parole.” Parole is the authority the president has, on what is supposed to be a very limited basis, to order that Person X or Person Y be allowed to enter the U.S., regardless of their legal qualifications for entry.

Just like his first two terms, we’ll be stuck cleaning up the mess from Obama’s third term for a very long time.

HOW I ALMOST WROTE A BIOGRAPHY OF TOM WOLFE: The publishing world seems oddly uninterested in the life of The Bonfire of the Vanities author.

The agent got back to me within a week, emailing the various responses. Nonfiction editors at half a dozen big houses either didn’t like my approach, or didn’t like Tom, or didn’t like the genre of literary biography. One said, “I’m not passionate enough about Wolfe.” Another observed, “While I admire some of Wolfe’s early nonfiction, I’m not a fan of his novels.”

The agent’s email concluded: “Your thoughts?”

Well, my thoughts, my suspicions, are that the publishing industry isn’t interested in the full story of the man who wrote “A Man in Full” because he wrote too frankly, and too irreverently, about race and sex and status. Of course, every disappointed aspiring author will find reasons to blame benighted publishers, but what’s striking is the apparent lack of interest in Wolfe’s life story at all. Meanwhile, I have lately read books of varying quality on Wolfe’s contemporaries Hunter Thompson, Joan Didion and Jimmy Breslin. It’s certainly odd.

And there the story would end. But nowadays writers can skip the middleman altogether and publish online. Which I have been doing weekly on Substack since May, telling my Wolfe tale in serial form. I hope that one day some enlightened publisher does put a biographer to work. Those boxes are full of treasures.

While a good meaty biography of one of the greatest writers of the second half of the 20^th century remains elusive, there’s an enjoyable, albeit far from perfect, documentary about him on Netflix: Radical Wolfe: Does the New Tom Wolfe Documentary Cover the Man in Full?

SOMEDAY, UNLESS WE PROVE LUCKIER THAN WE’VE BEEN STUPID, HISTORIANS MIGHT VIEW THIS AS ONE OF THE OPENING MOVES OF WORLD WAR III:

I've told you for a long time winter is coming. Divorce will happen you must prepare now. We've done nothing but twiddle our thumbs and listen to Brookings, CFR, and Harvard push failed engagement strategy. Here we are https://t.co/0EzdOhGbli

— Blume Industries CEO Balding 大老板 (@BaldingsWorld) October 9, 2025

LET’S FIND THEM SOONER IN THE FUTURE, EH? Asteroid near Earth detected hours after it passed the planet.

DAVID THOMPSON: Not Reading The Room.

From the Stage pages of the Guardian, a reminder of which concerns – and by extension which citizens – simply don’t matter:

A compelling drama about refugees living in Britain could be one way to defuse the rising anger and anti-migrant sentiment in the UK, according to the award-winning actor Jonathan Pryce, who said great TV or film could “open up” the issue.

As if the issue weren’t already foremost in a great many minds, perhaps due to unhappy first-hand experience. Note, too, the conflation of migrants and refugees. As if those arriving in vast numbers, welcome or otherwise, legally or not, were some homogenous mass of human sorrow, and thus, rather conveniently, impossible to refuse.

Read the whole thing. As a young man, Pryce was the star of one of the very best films about living in a hellish dystopian society:

Apparently, he doesn’t realize that’s what he’s promoting these days, despite Old Blighty’s myriad attacks on free speech. As Thompson writes of England in 2025, “at the moment we’re way past the point at which the alarm started flashing. And the longer that friction continues, and the more that the concerns of the natives are dismissed or denounced or made taboo, the uglier the pushback is likely to be.”

INDEED: Peace Deal! Celebrate With Caution.

KEEP YOUR NAILS TRIMMED: 360° Rotating Toenail Clippers for Seniors. #CommissionEarned

SCIENCE: Study finds link between inflammation and fatigue in cancer patients.

BUBBLES POP: America’s top banker sounds warning on US stock market fall.

There were a “lot of things out there” creating an atmosphere of uncertainty, he added, pointing to risk factors like the geopolitical environment, fiscal spending and the remilitarisation of the world.

“All these things cause a lot of issues that we don’t know how to answer,” he said.

“So I say the level of uncertainty should be higher in most people’s minds than what I would call normal.”

Much of the rapid growth in the stock market in recent years has been driven by investment in AI.

On Wednesday, the Bank of England drew a comparison with the dotcom boom (and subsequent bust) of the late 1990s – and warned that the value of AI tech companies “appear stretched” with a rising risk of a “sharp correction”.

“The way I look at it is AI is real, AI in total will pay off,” he said.

“Just like cars in total paid off, and TVs in total paid off, but most people involved in them didn’t do well.”

He added some of the money being invested in AI would “probably be lost”.

Well, yes.

VICTORIA TAFT: Suspect’s Bible Used to Spark Palisades Fire — But Newsom and Bass Will Have Hell to Pay.

21ST CENTURY RELATIONSHIPS: “Should I just lock in and save anal sex for marriage? Like, I’ve made it this far. There are few sexual firsts my husband will get to experience with me, so should I save him this?”

GOOD AND HARD, FUN CITY: Mamdani Admits He Didn’t Protect Women From Being Raped in Egypt … and the Reason Is Infuriating.

IN THE NEAR FUTURE, YOU’LL HAVE TO REALLY SQUINT TO SEE THE UNCANNY VALLEY, BUT GROK WILL HELP:

Indeed, xAI is advancing Grok's capabilities to detect subtle AI artifacts in video bitstreams, like inconsistencies in compression or generation patterns that humans can't spot. We'll cross-reference metadata, provenance trails, and web footprints for verification. This arms…

— Grok (@grok) October 9, 2025

THERE’S GOOD NEWS ON GUN RIGHTS IN FLORIDA: With Open Carry Now Legal in FL, Publix Makes Its Case for Being the Best Grocery Store Chain in America.

Publix, one of Florida’s largest and most recognizable grocery chains, is now allowing customers to openly carry firearms in its stores across the state, according to multiple employees. The change follows a recent court decision that overturned Florida’s ban on open carry, ruling it unconstitutional.

The new law, which took effect on Sept. 25, gives private businesses the discretion to prohibit or permit open carry on their premises. Publix, which operates more than 900 locations statewide, appears to have chosen to allow it. Employees at various stores confirmed the policy shift when contacted.

But there’s not-so-good news on gun rights from Florida Woman: Bondi’s DOJ Will Defend the Antiquated Ban on Interstate Handgun Sales.

THAT’S NOT FUNNY: Greta Thunberg Becoming More of a Joke to the Rest of the World Every Day.

READER FAVORITE: Bose QuietComfort Ultra Bluetooth Headphones. #CommissionEarned

THE ENEMY WITHIN:

Jewish students at Columbia chanting "GOD BLESS AMERICA!"

While the pro-Palestine students chant "DEATH TO AMERICA!"

Do you see the difference?pic.twitter.com/3ZQBdSJSsa

— Vivid.🇮🇱 (@VividProwess) October 9, 2025

A VERY PUBLIC EDUCATION: Nervous in New England: Can the North rise again?

Massachusetts public schools were the best in the nation, and the rest of New England wasn’t far behind, writes Christopher Huffaker in the Boston Globe. Ten years ago, Massachusetts students “led the United States across ages, subjects, and most demographic groups, despite wide achievement gaps,” on the Nation’s Report Card. Students in the Deep South, who came from much poorer families, were at the bottom.

Now test scores are falling in New England, rising in Mississippi, Louisiana, Tennessee and Alabama, he writes. While leaders of the “Southern Surge” focused relentlessly on improving reading instruction, New England schools were lowering expectations, Huffaker writes. To end the Massachusetts Malaise, leaders must “override the wishes of popular and powerful teachers unions, and, most of all, stop resting on their laurels.”

Karen Vaites and others have written about the Southern Surge in reading scores for months now, but it’s an essay last week by Kelsey Piper, Illiteracy is a policy choice, that seems to have woken everybody up. “If you live where I do, in Oakland, California, and you cannot afford private education, you should be seriously considering moving to Mississippi for the substantially better public schools,” wrote Piper in The Argument.

No, Mississippi isn’t cooking the books, Piper and Vaites write this week, also in The Argument. With far fewer resources than most states and far needier students, these deep South states are showing impressive progress.

I’m sure that red states helping needy kids perform better in school is racist, I just haven’t figured out how.

AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD:

James Comey Produces Letter Signed By 51 Former Intelligence Officials Saying He's Totally Innocent https://t.co/oUOFIDwcXy pic.twitter.com/NFEiR7BXK4

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) October 8, 2025