DEMOCRATS WHO OBJECTED TO EFFORTS AT ELECTION SECURITY DECRY ABSENCE OF BALLOT AUDIT SECURITY:   GOP-backed recount of Maricopa County ballots appears on track to move forward after initial pause ordered by Arizona judge.

“ABOLITION-THROUGH-ATTRITION”, BECAUSE YOU KNOW, IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE TO HAVE NO POLICE:   Are NYPD officers rushing to retire amid city’s anti-cop climate?

The left has this weird belief if they don’t believe in criminals there will be no criminals.

NEWS YOU CAN USE:  Origins of the naughtiest swear words in the English language.

AS IF YOU WOULDN’T DO IT HAD YOU KNOWN:  Cat fanatic buys six felines at auction after Thai drug raid.

WELL, WYE KNOTT?   Why married moms with good jobs are becoming surrogates for other women.

WAIT, THEY’RE SERIOUS?  Woman facing federal charges for not returning VHS tape 21 years ago.

IS ANYONE SURPRISED BY THIS? Joe Biden will address a bunch of empty seats during his first speech to Congress.

NOT EVEN CLOSE: “(1) I am 346 lbs and I am 4’6″. Is that normal?”. It wouldn’t be normal if you knocked off 200 lbs.

OPEN THREAD: Tonight’s a special one.

WELL:

NEWS FROM CAYMAN: Governor urges more jabs as vaccination numbers taper off. “According to the latest vaccination numbers released Friday, 64,494 COVID-19 vaccinations have been administered in total in the Cayman Islands. A total of 34,939, or 54% of the estimated 65,000 population, have received at least one dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine, and 45% of the adult population have completed the two-dose course.”

SPACE: SpaceX’s first reused Crew Dragon docks at space station with four Crew-2 astronauts.

CHANGE: NASA’s bold bet on Starship for the Moon may change spaceflight forever.

NOT TRUE, I’VE SEEN RED DAWN: Mark Judge: Why Don’t Conservatives Make Great Movies?.

MAKE HER PAY: Kansas Governor Vetoes Election Reform, Gun Bills. “Kansas Gov. Laura Kelly on Friday vetoed election reform legislation and a bill that would have let more people carry guns. Kelly, a Democrat, vetoed two bills that would have changed election laws, such as requiring counties to verify signatures on early voting ballots and making it illegal for any person to knowingly alter a postmark on a mail-in ballot.”

SHOCKING NEWS FROM THE WORLD OF SCIENCE: Younger age at first drug use tied to faster transition to substance use disorder.

NEWS YOU CAN USE: Mastering the Trigger Press.

UPDATE NEWSPEAK DICTIONARIES ACCORDINGLY:

● Politico Orders Staffers Not to Use the Word ‘Crisis’ to Describe Crisis at Border.

● Biden administration orders CBP, ICE to stop using the term ‘illegal alien.’

WHAT, ME WORRY? Mad Magazine Fact-Checked by Snopes, Denounced by the New York Times, Censored by Amazon, Banned by Facebook, and Slammed by SJWs.

BE KIND, REWIND: This lady got hit with a felony for never returning a VHS tape she rented 21 years ago.

THE HARM FROM RADIATION EXPOSURE IS OVERSTATED: Kids of those exposed to Chernobyl nuclear disaster show no genetic damage.

BOEING IS HAVING A BAD DECADE: Boeing’s 777 Back in the News Over Maintenance Issue. “The FAA on April 9 proposed an airworthiness directive for inspections of all models of Boeing’s 777 jetliner. The directive is based on the agency’s discovery of five 777s of various models with missing rivet heads used to join the aircraft’s skin. This directive is the second to affect the 777 in less than two months. The previous one was issued following the explosion of a Pratt & Whitney Canada PW 4000 engine in February.”

WELL, GOOD: New malaria vaccine offers 77% protection against deadly parasite, researchers say.

(UPDATE: Fixed the headline. “Deadly virus” was the original hed and is still the page title in HTML. — Charlie)

IT’S COME TO THIS: LGBT Activist Urges the Government to Fight ‘The Pernicious Power of Prayer.’