SURE, I’LL SAY IT: ‘Liberals Don’t Want to Stop School Shootings.’

DEMOCRACY DIES IN DARKNESS: Obama delivers speech in Soviet-style vacuum.

We all know that President Obama was never a transparent president, but who would have thought the former commander-in-chief would stoop to giving a secret speech about sports.

Yes, that’s right. The “most transparent president in history” — as Obama liked to call himself — spoke under a bizarre gag order during his appearance yesterday at the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference at the Boston Convention & Exhibition Center.

What’s next? A gag order on Obama’s golf scores?

The media and audience members on hand for the conference were not only banned from recording or streaming the talk, but prohibited from even talking about what he said.

And if you violated the ban? The journalistic equivalent of the death penalty.

Is anyone surprised by this?

I’M SORRY, BUT THIS DRAMATIC CONFESSIONAL SHOT OF A BALLERINA’S CELLULITE looks more like a humblebrag to me.

TAKING SIDES: Colleges: Suspensions for protesting guns won’t hurt admission chances.

OPEN THREAD: Disport yourselves in the comments.

NEWS YOU CAN USE: Four Questions To Ask The ER Doc If You Think You’re Having A Heart Attack.

WHY ON EARTH WOULD THAT BE? Dems Fear California Crackup. “Heading into the annual state Democratic Party convention in San Diego this weekend, the Democratic-controlled Legislature is mired in a contentious sexual harassment scandal. Cutthroat primaries have party officials on edge. And grass-roots activists are still seething, nearly two years after Hillary Clinton defeated Bernie Sanders in the 2016 primary. Escalating the tension in the nation’s most populous state, the national party and a handful of other outside groups are beginning to muscle into crowded congressional races, hoping to head off a nightmare scenario in which the state’s unusual, top-two primary system results in no Democratic candidate at all appearing on November ballots in several key races.”

GLENGARRY GLEN HARVEY: David Mamet Plans To Write A Harvey Weinstein Play.

Ficuses are for closers, buddy!

WELL, THAT’S IRONIC: Automated Cars Are Not Able to Use the Automated Car Wash.

AT AMAZON, browse deals in Industrial and Scientific.

Plus, deals in Dining and Entertaining.

#NARRATIVEFAIL: Deep Bore Into Antarctica Finds Freezing Ice, Not Melting as Expected.

DON SURBER IS HAVING NONE OF THIS: Bake the damned cake for the NRA, Mister Banker. But this is different because reasons.

ROGER AILES’ EVIL-GENIUS PLAN TO SINK THE COMPETITION CONTINUES TO BEAR FRUIT: Inside the toxic atmosphere at ‘Megyn Kelly Today.’

(Classical reference in headline.)

WHAT COULD GO WRONG? Facebook, Unable to Control Russian Bots, Turns to AI for Suicide Surveillance.

THIS WEEK IN MEDIA BIAS HISTORY: ABC Saw Presidency as ‘Step Down’ for Obama (Like George Washington).

Nahh, he just happened to fit the Johnny Bravo suit.

THEY SEEM TO WORK: Once a weird, fringe treatment, fecal transplants have started becoming mainstream.

The unusual treatment has been rediscovered many times since, but it’s finally starting to enter the medical mainstream. Partly, that’s because of a surge of interest in the microbiome—the trillions of microbes that share our bodies. Partly, it’s because many well-conducted studies have shown that fecal transplants are incredibly effective at treating Clostridium difficile—a nasty, hardy bacterium that causes severe, recurring, and potentially fatal bouts of diarrhea.

Other uses are not so well-established yet.

NEO-NEOCON IS TAKING A BREAK FROM POLITICS TO DISCUSS POETRY: Calmly we walk: Delmore Schwartz.

VICE IS SHOCKED THAT THE NRA THINKS WOMEN SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO OWN WEAPONS.

To be fair, it’s quite understandable that Vice would not want women to be able to defend themselves.

A DEGAS IN A BUS: French police discover Degas’ Les Choristes in a suitcase in a bus. The painting was stolen in 2009.

ANALYSIS: TRUE. The Media Loves Mass Shootings (Video).

There’s a reason why “If it bleeds, it leads” has been the tacit slogan in TV newsrooms for decades.