“IT’S LIKE CHUCK E. CHEESE’S, but with elliptical machines.” Somebody was just telling me about this, and it seemed so bizarre that I googled it. Apparently, it’s true: Planet Fitness doesn’t allow deadlifts, and will toss you for working out too hard.

Well, some people are scared of the gym. For them, a nonthreatening place where they can do 20 minutes on the treadmill, then do a few light sets on friendly-looking machines, is still better than sitting on the couch. It’s a niche, it’s just not my niche. Plus, free pizza!