KEEP SMILING: Is there any reason to think dolphins and humans have a special relationship? Sure, but it might not be a friendly one. “Of the 29 well-studied dolphins just mentioned, 13 of them exhibited ‘misdirected sexual behaviour towards humans, buoys, and/or vessels’, which means the dolphins (mostly males) occasionally sported an erection and attempted to mount swimmers. It’s not always possible to interpret what ‘sexual’ behaviour might mean in this context, but by all accounts it was dangerous for the humans. Women often seem to be the victims of these aggressive encounters. Some jealous dolphins reportedly chased male humans out of the water so that they could keep their human female prizes all to themselves. A number of these dolphins made a habit of abducting people — dragging them out to sea, preventing them from returning to shore, even pinning them to the seabed. Two-thirds of the 29 dolphins directed overtly aggressive behaviour at humans, resulting in ruptured spleens, broken ribs, people being knocked unconscious, and worse.”