THE RECEIPTS ARE TOO DAMN LONG: “I’m not sure when I first noticed them. I don’t remember them as a child or a teenager. Then, one day, walking out of a CVS, I looked down at my hand and there it was … a two-foot long receipt decorated with coupons and miscellany like the back of an old magazine. What was this so-called receipt? And why was it so long?! This creeping sign of postmodern malaise, in which the length of one’s receipt bears no relationship to the number of items purchased, has been swirling out of printers and control for too long. We are beyond paper, the anguished people cry. But the pharmacy does not hear us.”