BARNEY FRANK’S FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS:

If you want to watch a corruptocrat start sputtering like Porky Pig with allergies, confront him with three simple words: conflict of interest. Asked this week about his role in securing an ex-lover’s highly coveted job at government mortgage giant Fannie Mae, Massachusetts Democratic Rep. Barney Frank retorted:

“Aba-dee aba-dee aba-dee aba-dee.”

Or that’s what it sounded like, anyway. Frank was rather miffed about the recent disclosure that he helped former lover Herb Moses land a job with the behemoth lender while sitting on a House committee that regulates lenders a decade ago. The Boston Herald reported Thursday that Frank immediately invoked the Everybody Does It card: “It is a common thing in Washington for members of Congress to have spouses work for the federal government. There is no rule against it at all.”

Frank then switched to the Everybody Knew defense: “It was widely known. It was out there in the public.”

Next, he dismissed any controversy about his ethical judgment with the Nobody Cares shield: “It’s nonsense.”

No doubt he’ll spring the Homophobia Card on critics at an opportune moment to ice his multitiered cake of excuses.

Funny thing. Not too long ago, it was Frank himself counseling fellow Democratic scandal magnet Rep. Maxine Waters to butt out of Boston-area OneUnited Bank’s bid for $12 million in federal TARP bailout funds because of conflict-of-interest odors. Waters’ husband, Sidney Williams, was an investor in one of the banks that merged into OneUnited and owned stock holdings estimated at $350,000.

Frank’s exact words to Waters: “You should stay out of it. … You should stay away from this.”

Do as I say, not as I do.