ANIMAL AUTOPSIES IN GULF yield a mystery. “The vast majority of the dead animals that have been found — 1,866 birds, 463 turtles, 59 dolphins and one sperm whale — show no visible signs of oil contamination.”

UPDATE: Reader Greg Marquez writes: “With respect to the animal autopsies yielding no signs of oil contamination… further evidence for your theory that the oil is just a cover for aliens.” By Jove, he’s right! Wake up, sheeple!