BRENDAN LOY ON Obama’s 3. a.m. text message:

It’s 3:00 AM, and your children are safe and asleep…

…but there’s a cell phone in the other room, and it’s ringing. Must be one of your a**hole friends drunk-dialing you, or perhaps a wrong number from a different time zone. Wait, no: it’s Barack Obama!

Plus, scripting the McCain ad. “It’s like Obama just drunk texted you because you’re special and he was up late and just got back from the traveling, and he’s got to head to Springfield tomorrow, but if you’re awake maybe he could just come over, and maybe bring his friend Joe, you up for that?”