HAPPINESS IS A WARM MACHINE GUN? Actually, a warm machine gun is one that has beeen fired, and given the price of ammo that could be grounds for unhappiness. I took my advanced constitutional law seminar to a shooting range a few years back (we were studying the right to bear arms) and rented an MP5 for the students to shoot. It’s only a submachinegun, but I picked up the ammo tab and it was over 200 bucks. But they enjoyed it. So maybe happiness is a warm machine gun so long as someone else is paying for the ammunition. . . .

UPDATE: Reader Jim Hogue emails:

Your comments about the MP-5 brought back some memories, both fond and not so. I lugged an MP-5(A3, I think, it had an retractable stock) around when I was in Mogadishu, Somalia during operation “Restore Hope.” I carried it while on counterintelligence collection trips throughout the neighborhoods near the airport.

I loved the versatility and lightweight. It was easier than a M-16 to maneuver inside a HUMVEE and It shot the same ammo as my M-9 pistol and, unlike M-16 A1 rounds at the time, would ricochet nicely down a dark ally meaning you didn’t have to expose yourself if you needed to return fire.

It had a three round burst selector, which is really all you need. Firing fully automatic used up ammo fast and should only be used if you’re within 10 yds of whoever is shooting at you. That’s WAAY closer than I ever wanted to be!!

I carried three spare magazines including one magazine connected to the magazine currently loaded. The ammo was much heavier than M-16 ammo and that restricted how much we could carry (more was always better!) plus most of the 9MM ammo was meant for pistols and therefore we didn’t take as much of the 9MM as the M-16 ammo in our deployment kits.

The MP-5 was easy to clean and the corrosive salt-water environment coupled with high humidity in Mogadishu meant cleaning was required almost every day.

It was not meant for long firefights, it mainly provided significant short-range firepower to permit you to withdraw from whatever mess you had stumbled into.

I’ve never particularly enjoyed full-auto fire myself, but some people do. Interestingly, when I took my class to the range it was the women students who seemed to enjoy shooting the MP5 on full auto the most.