KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Dems Are Oozing Flop Sweat Over Release of J6 Surveillance Video.“Schiff and the other J6 false narrative pimps are likely sweating the fact that there is nothing in the tens of thousands of hours of footage that’s been kept from the public that will back up the Democrats’ claims of an insurrection. Because there wasn’t one. The public has been told for over two years now that the United States government was in danger of being overthrown by a handful of people led by drunk dude wearing a novelty hat with horns on it.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: The Eco/Green Weirdos Need Some Tough Love. “The notion that grown-ups need a hug because Floaty the Polar Bear might soon show up on the streets of Manhattan is beyond embarrassing. That we’re now subsidizing this nonsense is a sure sign that karma won’t be kind to this once great Republic.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Biden’s WWIII Balloon Confusion Is Really Getting Weird. “At this point it feels like China is just punking us and taking advantage of the fact that our Commander in Chief has the mental capacity of rotting plywood. I don’t know how to type or say ‘LOL, send another one,’ in Mandarin, but I’m pretty sure that’s the evergreen email that’s making the rounds among ChiCom spies right now.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: We’re Painfully Aware of the State of Joe Biden’s Union. “Biden’s speech will be a real test of his staff’s creative writing skills. They will no doubt be trying to convince us that the United States economy is booming and that we should be grateful to President LOLEightyonemillion for all of the bounty we’re enjoying. That’s going to be a tough sell to citizens who are moving money out of their retirement accounts so that they can buy an egg.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Democrat First Amendment Haters Never Let Up. “We’ve seen from the Twitter files the lengths that Democrats will go do in order to quash dissent. It’s a mission for them. They hate freedom; therefore, they hate free speech. Can’t have people like me running around out here pointing out that they’re oppressive fascists, after all.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Defund Leftist Child Predators in Public Education. “My daughter has been out of the public education system for almost seven years now. Drag show story hours weren’t a thing when she was in school. I know that not all public school teachers are perverts. The ones who are, however, need to be perp-walked out of their classrooms and be hit with court orders that keep them away from schools forever.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: The Biden 2024 Train Wreck Might Be Happening. “The real question that has to be asked is if Biden can physically handle the rigors of a real campaign. He spent most of the 2020 run in his basement with his Legos and baggie full of Cheerios, only putting on his big boy pants to make the occasional video with DOCTOR Mama Jill. He wasn’t mentally sharp enough to run then and we’ve all witnessed his precipitous decline in the last year.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Arizona’s Doomsday Clock Is Ticking Now That Crazy Katie Hobbs Is in Charge. “The leftist creep in California didn’t happen overnight, but times are different now. Democrats no longer pretend they aren’t socialists–they fly that freak flag out in the open with glee. Obviously, Hobbs can’t shove the state off of the leftist cliff on her own, but having a wild card like that at the top could accelerate the makeover.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Kari Lake Is Still Punching Hard at Maricopa County Corruption. “There’s no doubt that Democrats here in Arizona would love for the myriad questions still swirling around the inexplicable mess that was Maricopa County during the midterm elections to vanish into the ether. There is a stink there that won’t go away until the source is discovered, like something that died in the walls of a house.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Brittney Griner Should Have Been Left to Rot in Russia. “Brittney Griner is a cliché America-hating lefty who was stupid enough to pack drugs for a trip to a hostile foreign nation. If ever anyone needed a harsh lesson about why America is better, it’s this idiot. She should have had to serve out her labor camp penalty in Russia until she was ready to wake up and sing the Star Spangled Banner every day.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Squeaky in the Doghouse — AOC Gets Some Ethics Scrutiny. “This ain’t my first rodeo, so I’m not naive enough to think that members of Congress are called to the carpet every time they receive gifts that are related to their positions. What, pray tell, could our girl Squeaks have done that would make the committee announce this during the last month that the Democrats were chairing it? They could have made it look like a petty Republican hit job if they’d waited another month.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Republicans Need to Avoid a RINO Stampede in 2023. “As soon as Mitch McConnell had secured another stint as Senate Minority Leader, he went into surrender mode, indicating that he was willing to cave to the Dems on some hot-button issues. Whatever conservative inclinations or fortitude McConnell picked up during the Trump years is long gone and he’s back to being Mitch the Useless Squish.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Why Gavin Newsom Said ‘No’ to 2024…for Now. “It is not normal for the party that has a first-term incumbent in the White House to have a lot of speculation about who might run for the nomination in the next presidential election. The Democrats find themselves in this position because they elected a doddering husk who requires an extra Secret Service agent just to keep him from choking on one of his Legos.”

MEGAN FOX, FILLING IN ON KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: When Kruiser Is Away, the Fox Will Play. “While I have you here, did you hear about all the gay hate? According to the MSM, everyone hates the queers (their vernacular! Don’t blame me!), including the queers. Please believe me when I tell you that you will not laugh harder this week than you will at the replies to this New York Post article about a man throwing a brick through the window of a gay bar. I’m seriously dying.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Kari Lake Is Not Going Gently Into That Good Night. “I honestly don’t think this is a tilting-at-windmills vanity project for Lake. She has a very good legal team. We’re not dealing with the Lin Wood/Sidney Powell “Release the Kraken’ nonsense of 2020. If they think there is something to look at, then there is probably something to look at.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Trump Throws His Hair Into the Ring for 2024. “A frequent refrain from them during the speech was that Trump was more subdued than usual and really sticking to the script. I’ve read that again in posts elsewhere. Whether that’s a good thing or not remains to be seen. Remember, the media will tear him apart no matter how he behaves. Personally, I’ve always been a fan of his extemporaneous, no-filter style. I hope for the sake of entertainment that it’s not going to be too muted.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Election Day Is Always a Cheat Day for Democrats. “I’m one of those crazies who still votes on Election Day, rather than opt for the Democrat cons of mail-in and early voting. Early voting is the devil and should die a hideous death. The only people who should vote by mail are deployed military personnel, people who are expatriated for work, and people who are too physically ill to get to the polls. Participation in either for convenience is just enabling the Democrat fraud machine.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Dems Are So Desperate They Brought Biden Out for Final Push. “I usually avoid the news on the weekend but there is none of that when heading into an election week. I can honestly say that I’ve never seen such a big ‘chicken with their heads cut off’ vibe from the Democrats’ flying monkeys in the mainstream media before an election. For the record, I’ve been through a LOT of elections.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: One Week Left for Desperate Democrats to Burn It All Down. “What this all means is that the Democrats are uneasy. And when they feel even the slightest bit of panic, they tend to act out. I doubt that they have any big November surprise waiting to be sprung on an unsuspecting electorate. They put all their chips in on abortion during the summer and the bet didn’t pay off.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Don’t Hold Your Breath Waiting for Tulsi Gabbard to Join the GOP. “Her greatest value is probably remaining independent and showing the way to regular American Democrats who don’t believe that kindergartens should be hosting drag queen story hours. They may not jump ship to the GOP, but they just might reconsider reflexively voting for Democrats who are trying to drag them off of the progressive cliff.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Once Glorious California Is Now a Fascist Lunatic Asylum. “Gavin Newsom is a full-on fascist. I was fortunate to end my time in California before he became governor. The thought of him in the White House is petrifying. He comes from the same San Francisco political toilet that’s given us Kamala Harris and Nancy Pelosi. People from the most radical part of an already radical state keep rising to power.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: DeSantis Looks More Presidential Than Biden in Lead-Up to Hurricane. “It’s classless and unprofessional for the White House to ignore DeSantis during a time like this. Calling up the three mayors who are in harm’s way while ignoring DeSantis is just childish grade school posturing though (Can you tell him I’m ignoring him…). There’s a time and a place for everything, and the Biden administration always manages to hit the wrong note.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Are Dems Finally Remembering They Never Liked Kamala Harris? “Given the current state of President LOLEightyonemillion’s mental ability, Harris should be getting a lot of quality time in front of the public. Who better to keep him as far away from cameras and embarrassing moments than his HISTORIC FIRST one heartbeat away? Obviously, the trouble is that she’s a bigger train wreck in public than he is and she can’t even say it’s age-related.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: LOL, Trump Is Still the Democrats’ Daddy. “The House Soviet Select Committee on Daddy Issues, also known as the J6 Committee, exists solely to make up reasons to keep Trump from running for president again because they know that they have no one who can beat him in a fair fight and without a generous assist from a pandemic.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Biden Is Mad That Americans Are Noticing All of His Failure. “There are two types of people in America — those who had high hopes for all of this and those of us who aren’t idiots. There wasn’t much in the almost 50 years that Biden was redefining mediocrity in government that would have given any discerning person a reason to think that this presidency would be otherwise.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Babbling Biden Blurts Out Dems’ Gun-Grabbing Endgame. “Even the days that are supposed to be slow news days get a shot of newsiness in them. Yesterday should have been one of solemn remembrance for our military heroes who have died defending this great nation but President LOLEightyonemillion’s puppetmasters once again let him speak into a microphone.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Memorial Day Reflections. “Now that we’re mired in Let’s Go Brandonland, I’ve been thinking this weekend about what those who gave their lives defending this country would think about what’s going on now. I wouldn’t presume to speak for the fallen but I also know I can’t be the only one pondering such things.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Nancy Pelosi Should Probably Stop Getting Drunk Before Work. “I’ve paid a lot of attention to Pelosi since she first became Speaker and I’ve always been stunned by the fact that the woman is an absolute train wreck whenever she’s near a microphone or a camera. Long before we were being subjected to the incoherent ramblings of the village idiot in the Oval Office right now, Granny Boxwine was barfing up word salads on the regular.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Already Unhinged Abortion Cretins Sink to New Lows. “I hate to begin the week with this, but I’ve got some bad news for the optimists out there: the rift between the right and the left in America isn’t going to get better. In fact, it’s not really a rift anymore. It’s more of a widening ideological chasm that will no doubt soon reach Grand Canyon proportions.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Looks Like We’ll All Be Biden Broke Soon. “It’s the age-old, classic tale of just how wrong things can go when the government tries to ‘help.’ There is no shortage of historical evidence regarding exactly what can go wrong, yet politicians — especially those on the left — usually ignore it all and wreck things for the long term in order to win a popularity contest in the short term.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Hey FBI, We’re Running Low on Those White Domestic Terrorists You Keep Warning Us About. “Before the cries of ‘RAAAAAAACISM’ come raining down harder (they’re always raining down, after all), I want to say that I’m not positing that all white people are innocent. And I have no doubt that there are some fringe groups out there that are heavy on the Caucasian. What I am saying is that maybe federal law enforcement should look at things on a case-by-case basis, rather than through a lens that’s clouded by a narrative that is driven by a political vendetta.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Mitt Romney Seems To Know That He’s Jeff Flaked Himself. “Republicans aren’t a hive mind like the Democrats. There are always members of the GOP in Congress who are willing to swim upstream in their own party just to get a pat on the head from The New York Times. Yes, the Democrats have had their struggles recently with Joe Manchin, Kyrsten Sinema, and AOC but they’re anomalies. There is always a Manchin, Sinema, or AOC hanging around the GOP.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Obama Returns to White House and Biden Can’t Find a Friend. “When this trip was announced it was obvious that Biden’s puppetmasters were hoping that a visit from The Lightbringer would inject some energy into an administration that can’t even aspire to be moribund right now. What they got was Barack Obama being Barack Obama and Joe Biden wandering around like the sad boy who can’t get anyone to play with him at his own birthday party.”

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: Elon Musk’s New Majority Stake in Twitter Makes Things Fun Again. “That 9.2% makes Musk Twitter’s largest shareholder now, which is kind of delicious. Yes, it’s a passive stake, which, in theory, means he won’t be influencing the company but this is still a bold move. Musk really doesn’t do anything passively. In fact, he wasted no time stirring things up, tweeting a poll that addressed and poked fun at what is one of the most frequent complaints of all Twitter users.”