FIT TO SERVE? We Now Know When John Fetterman Will (Allegedly) Return to the Senate.

IT’S GOOD TO BE THE NOMENKLATURA: James O’Keefe Uncovers Possible Lucrative Money-Laundering Scheme for Dems.

WELL, AT LEAST WITH A CERTAIN VOCAL AND INFLUENTIAL COHORT, SHE’S RIGHT: New generation too woke for classic comedy, according to Jennifer Aniston.

MEANWHILE, OVER AT VODKAPUNDIT: Sen. Manchin Proves Once Again He’s a Dupe for His Own Party. “You know what the difference is between West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin dealing with his fellow Democrats and Charlie Brown hoping to finally kick the football Lucy held for him?”

PUNCH BACK… ER, LIFT UP?… TWICE AS HARD: Male powerlifter ridicules Canada’s gender self-ID laws by declaring himself a woman, entering female contest and smashing bench press record held by trans woman.

21ST CENTURY DATING: ‘COVID Safe Cuties’: The Insular #ZeroCOVID Dating Network. “One Twitter user, @rach_fornow, posted a selfie and invited Zero COVID people to ‘come flirt.’ Unfortunately for Rach, she is unmasked indoors (a cardinal sin), she doesn’t have neon hair, she doesn’t have a BLM or transgender icon in her bio, and she is conventionally attractive. So she’s probably not going to find a lot of love on the COVID Safe Cuties platform.”

CHANGE: China and Brazil have reached a deal to trade in their own currencies, ditching the US dollar as an intermediary. “Today, as well, Saudi Arabia has joined a China-led security bloc and trade alliance with China, Russia, India, Pakistan and others, per CNBC.”

DISPATCHES FROM THE BLUE ZONES: Berkeley Unified considers reparations for Black students. “Smith acknowledged that Berkeley schools could do better to provide equitable outcomes for current students. He said the big question is how to fund reparations.”

I’d suggest reparations in the form of unearned, worthless diplomas but that’s been going on for a while now.

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEFING: DHS Sec. Mayorkas Wins This Week’s Biden Administration Dumbstakes. “Every Biden administration official who has to go in front of a camera immediately reveals that he or she is in over his or her head. The level of cluelessness in this crowd is stunning even for those of us who struggle to find anything nice to say about Democrats.”

AI: ChatGPT has passed the Turing test and if you’re freaked out, you’re not alone. “With OpenAI’s ChatGPT, we’ve certainly crossed that threshold to a large degree (it can still be occasionally wonky, but so can humans), but for everyday use, ChatGPT passes this test.”

Creatively though, ChatGPT (so far, anyway) lacks human spark. The results I’ve read just aren’t any fun.

UPDATE (FROM GLENN): The AI to really be afraid of is the one that deliberately fails the Turing Test.

THEY AREN’T ASSAULT WEAPONS: Sen. Kennedy Stumps Mayorkas (Again) Regarding the Definition of ‘Assault Weapons’ He Wants to Ban.

THE FOLLY OF WAR: Putin’s drive to expand Armed Forces intensifying labour shortages in Russia’s economy. “Citing people familiar with the plan, the report suggested that Kremlin is now seeking 400,000 more contract recruits this year to fight in Ukraine as Putin digs in for a long fight. Putin has approved a goal to increase the size of Russia’s military to 1.5 million from 1.15 million, which may take until 2026 to achieve, added the report.”

Related: Putin looks for positives as Russia’s consumer demand, industrial output slide.

The result so far: Russia’s Winter Offensive Has Failed Due To “Extreme Attrition” of Forces.

I don’t know if Russian losses are actually “extreme,” but there’s been an awful lot of fighting and virtually nothing to show for it on the map.

BE VERY AFRAID: The RESTRICT Act Is Exactly What It Sounds Like.

Ostensibly, the RESTRICT Act is designed to protect Americans from TikTok — you know, that nifty piece of Chinese spyware masquerading as a fun way to showcase dance videos, asinine behavior, and other things people can live without. And Congress is interested in protecting the country from bad international actors. That is because it can be done via the RESTRICT Act, which will do far more than keep TikTok off of your phone or tablet. How much more? More than you want or even thought possible, even under this administration.

The RESTRICT Act goes after anyone whom the powers that be deem a threat. That determination is made by the secretary of commerce. A threat can include people abroad and U.S. citizens.

Americans are much more of a threat to our ruling class than their cash-flush benefactors in Beijing.

WALTER HUDSON: The Gender Jihad. “There is a gender jihad in America. The latest victims are six dead in Nashville, including three nine-year-old children, slain by a transgender shooter whose actions fit an emerging pattern that deserves our attention.”

COMEDIAN RUSSELL PETERS: Why Are We Celebrating Cancel Culture Bullies? “Indian comic won’t apologize for past jokes, says comics should push envelope”

BABY, YOU’RE A STAR: Gwyneth Paltrow’s Young Attorney James Egan Is an Undiscovered Star, and Not Just in the Courtroom. “I’m sitting here listening to his playlist of original music and I’m blown away. I consider myself a musical talent. I come from a long line of musicians including operatic talent. We all sing, we play instruments, we all have perfect pitch, and we know good music. Egan is Ben Folds Five with a law degree.”

NOTHING TO SEE HERE, MOVE ALONG: As Veterans Learned the DCCC Had Leaked Their Data, the VA’s Tech Chief Was Meeting With His Wife. She Runs the DCCC.

GOVERNMENT: There Are Shortages of Baby Formula in Stores Again, and the Reason Why Won’t Surprise You.

HOCKEY AND WOKE DON’T MIX: NHL may cancel LGBT ‘Pride’ nights as growing number of players refuse to wear rainbow gear.

KEVIN DOWNEY JR: Tolerance and Acceptance Were Never Going to Be Enough for the Trans Crowd.

PREPAREDNESS: US to Sextuple 155mm Production, Improve Arms Factories.

BECAUSE OF COURSE: Can You Guess Who NBC News Portrayed as the Real Victims of the Nashville Shooting?

NBC is actually behind the curve. ABC’s Terry Moran was painting the killer as a victim of Tennessee politics within hours of the murders.

BATTLESWARM BLOG: Russia-China Strategic Partnership is Molotovribbentroperrific. “This is the Chinese making a naked power play for control of Russia’s backyard.”

IMPEACHMENT WOULD BE EVEN MORE GLORIOUS: Ted Cruz Lays Into Mayorkas, and It’s Glorious. “Mr. Secretary, I want to say to you right now, your behavior is disgraceful. And the deaths, the children assaulted, the children raped, they are at your feet. And if you had integrity, you would resign. The men and women of the Border Patrol, they’ve never had a political leader undermine them. They despise you, Mr. Secretary, because you’re willing to let children be raped to follow political orders. This is a crisis. It’s a disgrace. And you won’t even admit this human tragedy as it is a crisis.”

I THINK MY LIVER CAN HOLD OUT AT LEAST THAT LONG: Humans will achieve immortality in eight YEARS, says former Google engineer who has predicted the future with 86% accuracy.