FASTER, PLEASE: Trump to Announce Big Deregulation Moves to Speed Economic Recovery.

HEH: British tabloids ask Meghan And Harry to stop contacting them.

WELL, THAT’S A TAKE: ‘Joe Biden Is Careful With His Words,’ Says ‘Morning Joe’ Host Mika Brzezinski.

Biden’s actual words:

And don’t forget this modern classic: We Have No Idea What Joe Biden Is Muttering About Here. Maybe You Can Help Us Out? “So we spent time going through it [slurp], I used to do with my kids when they were little and I couldn’t see them and we’d play games. I said, ‘Knock, make up a game, knock, knock on the door and say this is, you know [slurp].’ [incomprehensible] This is practical things, the guy’s scared to death. And he’s worried about his children, he’s worried about his wie [sic]. I mean, these are practical things. And the president talks about this like, ‘OK, it’s gonna be OK. We’re gonna open… tomorrow. We’re gonna do this’.”

RIP: ‘Avenger’ Benjamin Levin, ‘Forrest Gump of Jewish history,’ succumbs to COVID-19. “From killing Nazis in Lithuanian forests to jumping from flaming Altalena off Tel Aviv, young hero of Jewish Vilna participated in more than his share of Jewry’s turning points.”

PERVERSE INCENTIVES: Restaurants’ bailout problem: Unemployment pays more.

I get the feeling that expanded payouts are mostly a sop to #FightFor15, but really it will just speed up the move to automation.

TYLER O’NEIL: The Real Reason Dems Stalled on the Paycheck Protection Program.

DECOUPLING: Apple likely planning 2020 iPhone SE assembly in Brazil.

HATERS GOTTA HATE: Celebrities and the Media Shouldn’t Sneer at Coronavirus Lockdown Protesters.

It may be trivially simple for the Emmy Award-winning comic—and voice of Remy in Pixar’s Ratatouille—to stay at home, watch Netflix, order carry-out, and play video games for a few weeks. (Writer and podcaster Bridget Phetasy compared Oswalt to Marie Antoinette’s apocryphal indifference toward the hungry masses, tweeting: “Let them eat kale!”) But many auto mechanics, coffee baristas, and small business owners can’t afford this so easily. They are watching their financial situations become more and more precarious with each day that extreme social distancing continues. Oswalt suggested that the uncultured rubes are crazy to want Fuddruckers to reopen; people whose livelihoods depend upon places like Fuddruckers might see things differently.

That’s why it’s important for those criticizing misguided protesting efforts—including media figures who increasingly appear to be taking the view that you would have to be a deranged right-winger to want social distancing to end—not to resort to sneering at the less fortunate. (For example: A guest on MSNBC recently called the protesters, “the Fox News Nazi confederate death cult rump of the Republican Party.”) These are terrifying times, and the prospect of hundreds of thousands of deaths means there is very good reason for policymakers to proceed cautiously with reopening. But both federal and state governments must consider the long-term practicality of their coronavirus prevention plans, including whether people will be willing to obey stay-at-home orders for much longer.

If the cure becomes worse than the disease, pretty soon people are going to stop taking the cure.

LIDBLOG: The CoronaVirus Pandemic Has Demonstrated 7 Ways Trump Has Been RIGHT All Along.

LET’S GET BACK TO WORK: Medical Experts Appear on ‘Life, Liberty, and Levin’ to Urge Leaders to Reopen America.

HEH: Pelosi Is Now ‘Non-Essential Nancy.’ Here Are 20 Jobs More Important Than Hers.

I LIKE THE CUT OF HER JIB: Nikki Haley Unloads On Illinois Dems For Trying To Use Crisis To Fund Its ‘Corrupt’ Pension System.

THAT’S GONNA LEAVE A MARK: Joe Biden Advisor Tries to Blame Republicans for Small Business Loan Money Running out, It Doesn’t Go Well.

KRUISER’S MORNING BRIEF: POTUS Uses COVID-19 Threat to Drop the Immigration Hammer. “It’s going to be fun watching the media pivot or swirl now that Trump has thrown them this curveball. This is another one of those times where those of us who enjoy watching the president play the media think he might be playing some sort of five-dimensional chess with them.”

HMM: Newsom’s secretive $1-billion mask deal with Chinese automaker sparks bipartisan concerns.

Subscription required, but here’s the meat:

Almost two weeks after he announced the deal during a cable TV interview, very few details have been disclosed. The governor’s advisors have so far declined requests for information about the agreement with BYD, the Chinese electric car manufacturer hired to produce the masks, though the state has already wired the company the first installment of $495 million.

Newsom, who has been praised for his efforts to slow the spread of the disease, bristled on Saturday at suggestions that his administration has been too slow to explain a deal that will cost California taxpayers 30% more than his January budget would spend on infectious disease prevention for an entire fiscal year.

“I’m for outcome here,” Newsom shot back when asked by a reporter about withholding the contract’s details. “Some are consumed by process, personality, intrigue. Who’s up, who’s down. We are for actually solving a major, major problem — not only for the state but potentially a template for the country.”

But a bipartisan chorus of concerns has emerged in the Legislature. Lawmakers have grown increasingly frustrated that the governor’s advisors have asked only for expedited approval to spend money without briefing them on what has been agreed to.

Something doesn’t smell right.

NOT THE BABYLON BEE: British woman’s attraction to chandeliers ruled not to be a protected sexual orientation.

It is however from Disrn, the new non-satirical news site from Bee founder Adam Ford.

BUT MOSTLY SHUT UP: Whitmer to Michigan: Stay Home and Shut Up.

She did everything but brand her critics “barbarians at the gate” — unwashed hordes who stand against the good people who stay home and don’t make waves — when her provocative attitude and policies truly were a problem.

Consider the name of her stay-at-home orders: “Temporary requirement to suspend activities that are not necessary to sustain or protect life.”

Her order should have prohibited activities that spread the virus — that’s what public safety requires. Instead, Whitmer took her moment of power to tell her own constituents that they should not do anything that possibly could make their confinement more pleasant or productive.

Get used to the New Misery, comrade.

FIGHT THE MATRIARCHY: Why are men suffering from coronavirus more than women?

FIGHT THE POWER: Conservative Street Artist Sabo Strikes Again With Campaign to End Quarantine.

HEH: Land O’Lakes switches to less offensive Redskins logo.

YOU’RE GONNA NEED A MORE CONFUSED-SOUNDING BLOG: BidenWatch for April 20, 2020. “The rape allegation against Biden slowly percolates out into the mainstream media, Biden’s brain melts (more), Slow Joe stumbles through interviews (again), and more memes than you can shake a stick at.”

YOU DON’T SAY: Newly Declassified Evidence: Russia Didn’t Try to Help Elect Trump in 2016.

VIDEO: Michigan Golfers Flouting Lockdown Rules Right Next Door to Governor’s Mansion.

ALSO AT VODKAPUNDIT: April 19, 1775: The Day America Was Born.

The second one is just for our VIP members, and I hope you’ll use that VODKAPUNDIT discount code if you’ve been thinking of becoming a supporter.

THE OLD INTERNET: “Information wants to be free.”

ZUCKERBERG’S INTERNET: Lockdown protests organized on Facebook will be taken down as “harmful misinformation.”

EYE ON THE PRIZE: Why SpaceX Will (Probably) Put People in Space Before Boeing.

Plus this question: “Will Boeing still be able to charge premium prices after a second-place finish?”