AND THIS TOO IS NOT THE ONION:  UChicago Must Defend Professor Against Social Justice Slander.

AND UNFORTUNATELY ALSO NOT THE ONION:  Elizabeth Warren calls for family separation fix in response to murder of Mollie Tibbetts.

ALSO NOT THE ONION: Museum Visitor Falls Into Giant Hole That Looks Like a Cartoonish Painting on the Floor.

NOT THE ONION:  Nabisco ‘Frees’ Its Animal Crackers After a PETA Protest.

GOOD:  ‘Stupidest Bullsh*t’: Austin Texas Residents and Tourists Oppose Renaming City.

NEWS YOU CAN USE:  The 7 Keys to Depressing Yourself.

GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT:  Algorithms: the Ultimate Excuse.

MADURO ENTERS FINAL PHASE OF HIS WAR WITH REALITY:  Venezuela’s economy in complete collapse – and the mother of all human waves outward begins.

WHILE OF UNSOUND MIND:  Ralph Peters cashiers self.

APPARENTLY SOMETIMES YOU NEED A TROLL-IN-CHIEF: Trump trolls ex-CIA CNN analyst Phillip Mudd, who went berserk on air.

YEAH, WELL, IT’S POPE OCCASIONAL CORTEX.  WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?  Pope Francis collectivizes the guilt.

SO WHEN ARE THEY GONG AFTER ALL THE PEOPLE WHO LIED ABOUT BENGHAZI ONLINE AT THE DIRECTION OF BARRACK OBAMA TO PREVENT HIS LOSING THE 2012 ELECTION? OR DO WE JUST GO AFTER OBAMA HIMSELF FOR THIS?  IT’S COOL.  I’M OKAY EITHER WAY:  Former Trump Lawyer Michael Cohen Pleads Guilty to Campaign Finance Violations;
Claims He Paid Off Mistresses at Trump’s “Direction” with “Purpose of Influencing Election.”

I’D SAY “THE ANTI AMERICANS SELF-IDENTIFY” BUT THEY DO CHANT “NO AMERICA AT ALL” SO IT’S MORE A MATTER OF “WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THEY HATE YOU, BELIEVE THEM.”  Antifa Beats the Sh*t Out of Bernie Sanders Supporter, Thinking He’s “Alt-Right” Because He… Was Carrying an American Flag.

OF COURSE THEY DO!  Washington Post Says Socialism Is Cool.

BY ANY OTHER NAME:  Watch Out for the Puppet Masters.

PREDICTION CONFIRMED!   Focus: Solar Wind Shock Wave Gives Ions a Push.

FEW AS COMPARED TO WHAT?  Too Few Girls?

INDEED:  Making young bookworms: looking to the future.  But the left would rather impose their opinions and eat the seed corn.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND STUFF:  Brennan: I didn’t mean that Trump committed treason when I said his actions are ‘nothing short of treasonous’.

IN OTHER WORDS, MONDAY:  Watch as ex-CIA analyst falls victim to Trump Derangement Syndrome, goes berserk on CNN.

OH, MY PEOPLE!  She Did Nazi That Coming.

SHOCKED, SHOCKED:  DOJ: Iraqi man who fought, killed for ISIS entered US as refugee under Obama.

YEAH, BUT THIS IS THEIR APPROACH TO EVERYTHING:  Of course Trump is guilty because we say he is.

RIGHTLY:  Lawmakers Raise Concerns Over DOD Grants to Colleges Hosting Confucius Institutes .

VOTE IF YOU HAVE A MIND TO:  Dragon Awards Sign Up 2018.