WE KNOW:  Joe Biden’s Ukraine Problem Is The Real Scandal.

OF COURSE THEY DO – BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN NASA DIDN’T SCREW UP A SIMPLE PR STUNT:  Female NASA astronauts respond to outrage over spacesuit availability.

OKAY, THEN:  New nose job procedure uses electricity instead of surgery.

OH YOU SWEET AND PRECIOUS SUMMER CHILD. THAT WASN’T RUDE. IF YOU WANT RUDE, WE CAN BE MUCH, MUCH WORSE:  Representative Full Stop.

AMERICA’S PAPER OF RECORD HITS ONE OUT OF THE BALLPARK AGAIN:  Republicans Accused Of Colluding With Reality To Defeat Green New Deal.

AND IF YOU HAVEN’T YET SEEN THIS YOU — LOOKS SERIOUSLY INTO YOUR EYES — MUST. YOU JUST MUST. MIKE LEE IS MY NEW POLITICAL CRUSH: Mike Lee’s Velicraptor Machine Gun Speech.

TEFLON PRESIDENTS ARE SO LAST CENTURY. WE GOT US A TAR BABY PRESIDENT.  OH, PLEASE, DO THROW US IN THAT BRIAR PATCH:  Trump Haters Are Already Having a Horrible Week.

LISTEN, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT: IF YOUR SCHADENB*NER LASTS OVER FOUR DAYS, YOU MUST CALL ANY LIBERAL WHO HASN’T BLOCKED YOU AND LAUGH LIKE AN HYENA:  House veto override fails; the wall is going ahead.

SO VERY MUCH THIS:  Don’t Pay Attention to the News That You Hear…

DON’T KNOW. I KNOW IT’S HILARIOUS AND IT REALLY UPSETS ALL THE LEFTIES I KNOW:  Is this cultural appropriation?

I’M SHOCKED, SHOCKED I TELL YOU THAT SNOPES IS UNTRUTHFUL AND BIASED. SHOCKED. THIS IS MY SHOCKED FACE: My day with Snopes.

THE DINGY LADY HITS BOTTOM, BUYS EXCAVATOR:  Less than full disclosure from the New York Times.

LAWS ARE FOR THE LITTLE PEOPLE! GET BACK IN LINE, PEASANT!  Privilege And The Chicago Way: All Charges Against Jussie Smollett Dropped

THOSE AREN’T ASYLUM SEEKERS. WE HAVE CONCLUSIVE EVIDENCE THEY’RE IN FACT INVADERS, RECRUITED BY THE FORCES OF INTERNATIONAL SOCIALISM:  No Crisis: Asylum Seekers Overwhelming Border Patrol Resources.  Let’s use the truthful designations, shall we? Letting the left subvert the language is giving up the battle before we engage it.

BUT THEY ONLY WANTED TO KNOW IF TRUMP WEIGHED AS MUCH AS A DUCK!  Mueller Report Spinning Up Trump Derangement Syndrome.

BUT I WAS ASSURED THE SCIENCE WAS SETTLED!  Melting Greenland glacier appears to be growing again.

OKAY, BUT WHY????  New scented ink turns body art into ‘visual fragrance’.

Sorry, but the permanence of the alteration makes it a no sale to me…

OUR COCKTAIL THIS WEEKEND IS THE MUELLER REPORT:  It costs millions to make, takes two years to be served. Rumors and expectations about it are stoked to fever pitch. Arrives as an empty glass.  Every news source claims it’s the finest Russian Vodka. Rachel Maddow most affected.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FOURTEEN YEAR OLD BOYS ARE NOT EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMALS.  TEACH WOMEN NOT TO TREAT MALES AS OBJECTS:  Woman had sex with teen while boyfriend was in jail to counter depression: cops.

I DON’T THINK PREGNANCIES WORK THAT WAY, EVEN FOR TWINS:  Twins married to another set of twins plan to synchronize pregnancies.

THAT’S DIFFERENT BECAUSE SHUDDUP:  Vegan YouTube star accidentally exposes herself as a fraud.

OF COURSE OCCASIONAL CORTEX OH, PARDON ME, OCCASIONAL CORTEX FULL STOP (WELL SHE DID SAY THAT’S WHAT HER NAME IS. FROM NOW ON AND FOREVER, SHE’LL BE REPRESENTATIVE FULL STOP TO ME.  AND PLEASE LET’S STOP. BECAUSE WE CAN’T TAKE ANYMORE LIKE HER.) NEVER HAD A MIND TO LOSE:  After AOC Chases Amazon Jobs Away, Some New Yorkers Begin to Understand Socialism.

SERIOUSLY, THEY’VE LOST THEIR MINDS:  New Zealand Bookstore Disappears From Facebook, Twitter After Banning Jordan Peterson Book.

IN A SIGN OF HOW THE LEFT IS NOW COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF THINKING, THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF DISTINGUISHING THEIR PROCLAIMED ENEMIES FROM EACH OTHER. AND ALL OF US ARE SUDDENLY WHITE SUPREMACIST. INCLUDING PEOPLE WHO AREN’T WHITE. DO YOU KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT’S GOING TO BE TO APPLY CULT DEPROGRAMMING TO THAT MANY PEOPLE:  University in the UK Cancels Jordan Peterson’s Visiting Fellowship for Not Being Inclusive.

ONE OF THOSE BORING NOVELS WHERE NOTHING HAPPENS AND THE AUTHOR CONTINUOUSLY PREACHES HIS POV. YOU’RE BORED REGRETFUL ABOUT THE MONEY SPENT AND YET ALL OF THE INTELLIGENTSIA TELLS YOU THAT YOU’RE EXPECTED TO THINK IT’S SOMEHOW DEEPLY SIGNIFICANT:  End of the Mueller affair.

OH DEAR LORD:  United Airlines Goes Wheels-Up Woke.