CHANGE: Is a Tesla Minivan in the Works? Nah, Probably “Something Cooler,” Elon Musk Says.

I DON’T BELIEVE THIS IS THEOLOGICALLY SOUND:

John Sobieski could not be reached for comment. https://t.co/4aAFkqttcC

— The Patriarch Tree (@PatriarchTree) March 29, 2026

UPDATE:

Pope Leo Explains God Does Not Listen To People Who Wage War So Long As You Don’t Count Moses, David, Joshua, Elijah, Saul, Gideon, Samson, Or Anyone Else In Bible https://t.co/8Hu7kJv7hc pic.twitter.com/q2jBwHjSST

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) March 29, 2026

CIVIL RIGHTS UPDATE: Indefensible: NY Backs Down on Requiring Gun Permit Applicants to Give Social Media Accounts.

MICROBIOME NEWS: Gut ‘primes’ pathogenic T cells responsible for neuroinflammation in multiple sclerosis, study finds.

WHY DID THEY KEEP IT SO QUIET? NASA Astronaut Describes Mystery Illness That Forced Emergency Space Evacuation. “Astronaut Mike Fincke, who has been to space four times, told the Associated Press that he was struck with the illness while eating dinner. He briefly lost the ability to speak.”

THANKS FOR GUACAMOLE, GIANT SLOTHS: Meet The Giant Sloths That Gave Us Avocados — An Evolutionary Biologist Explains.

WOW: I did 100 face pulls daily for two weeks and finally fixed my rounded shoulders.

PRETTY SURE THE ANSWER IS YES: Are medical schools still admitting students based on race? Trump wants to know.

CLEMSON NEEDS A FACULTY AND STAFF THAT LOOKS LIKE SOUTH CAROLINA: Clemson employee political giving skewed left even as the surrounding county votes deep red.

I MEAN, HE’S NOT WRONG:

"Hitler was a failed art student and a vegan who blamed all his problems on rich people and the Jews.

"If he was around today, he'd be attending the Green Party conference'

Superb @LeoKearse 👏👏👏 pic.twitter.com/LzwAyh5QZb

— Jack (@FFS_WhatNow) March 29, 2026

KILLING COMMIES IS DEEPLY MORAL, LIKE PUNCHING NAZIS:

As a kid, when we were having a truly great day with my Vietnam vet dad. I mean a TRULY great day. Like when we drove the final nail in the porch we built together or the time I caught the biggest bluefish he’d ever seen.

He’d hand me the rest of his beer, walk to the car for… https://t.co/w1WKSVSl08

— John Ʌ Konrad V (@johnkonrad) March 28, 2026

Especially as it’s getting harder to tell the two apart.

#JOURNALISM:

That's an interesting take, because the Iranian AI slop clearly shows the entire city of Tel Aviv in flames. You know, from the indiscriminate missile campaign that failed in its mission to indiscriminately target the entire nation of Israel. Plus Qatar, UAE etc.

That plus… https://t.co/VJ7tUW9fzr

— Northern Barbarian (@xnoesbueno) March 29, 2026

JUSTICE SCALIA THOUGHT BULLYING COULD SERVE A PROTECTIVE FUNCTION AGAINST WEIRDOS:

Since the French Revolution, the great enemy of functional civilization has been Bioleninism, the amalgamation of life's losers into a wrecking ball driven by spite and envy

Carlyle said the infamous Philippe Egalité, duc d'Orléans, had every deadly sin written upon his face as… https://t.co/d5qY6BDtWE

— Will Tanner (@Will_Tanner_1) March 29, 2026

PROBABLY: Is Thorium the Future of Nuclear Energy?

BLOOD LIBELS: Politico Publishes Cartoon Depicting Trump, Republicans Wearing Blood-Covered Jewish Prayer Shawls, Yarmulkes Amid Bags of Money: The outlet included the cartoon in a round-up of the week’s ‘best.’ It also features Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu with an exaggerated nose.

HUMAN RIGHTS AND THE RULE OF LAW CLEARLY REQUIRE THIS: Republic of Somaliland Asks U.S. to Extradite Ilhan Omar There to Face Justice. “In fact, the Republic of Somaliland shared a fascinating X thread recently exposing Omar’s family for war crimes and fraud and illustrating why the government might wish to see her extradited to their country. Did you know Omar’s father participated in the Isaaq Genocide? Why would we ever have let this family come into our country?”

Why, indeed?

#JOURNALISM:

No reporting is actually disputing they were Hezbollah members.

Ryan Grim knows they were Hezbollah members.

But he believes terrorists should be able throw on a TEMU press vest (an actual war crime, btw) and receive total immunity.

Ask yourself why. pic.twitter.com/ENbKrAFGhh

— Bonchie (@bonchieredstate) March 28, 2026

OPEN THREAD: Have fun!

WE WHO ARE ABOUT TO FLY, SALUTE YOU: Artemis 2 astronauts arrive at Kennedy Space Center ahead of NASA’s historic launch around the moon. I wish them good luck, and Godspeed.

Flashback: NASA’s Artemis moon mission is flirting with disaster.

THIS IS WHAT THE DISPATCH IS LIKE IN 2026:

Come on. https://t.co/H6AvD40jdt

— The Man, The Myth, The Legend (@SixtySecDragon) March 27, 2026

The source denies saying this in thst article. You are pushing misinformation like a useful idiot pic.twitter.com/KUvJak5iID

— Cujo (@cccuuujjjooo) March 27, 2026

Imagine thinking this is a real story. Jesus Jonah.

— J.D. Haltigan, PhD 🏒👨‍💻 (@JDHaltigan) March 27, 2026

WHAT ARE THE DEEP SEVENS UP TO NOW? Scientists Uncover Unexpected Behavior Deep Inside Earth’s Mantle.

HEALTHSPAN IS IMPORTANT: Rethinking Aging: Why Healthspan Should Be The Goal.

ELECTRIC ACCELERATION: 2026 Porsche Cayenne Electric First Drive: Physics May Have Met Its Match.

MAKE THEM PAY: Petrolino Sues New Jersey State Police for Violating 1st and 2nd Amendments.

THINK HOW MUCH MORE EXCITING IT WOULD BE IF IT STILL HAD COCAINE IN IT: Brewers are turning Coca-Cola into a very boozy wine. It’s actually a mead, more technically a bouchet.