WE NEED A COMPLETE AND TOTAL SHUTDOWN OF SACRAMENTO UNTIL WE CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON THERE: Gavin Newsom’s Twisted ‘Crotch Clench’ Sparks Concern, Baffles Experts.
There’s something wrong with Gavin Newsom. Americans recoiled in horror, then squinted in fascination at the images of Newsom’s appearance at the New York Times Dealbook Summit. There he was, the greaseball California governor, sitting in a chair with his legs crossed impossibly tight, protruding akimbo at improbable angles like a human swastika, a wanton display of “testicle-crushing” contortion. It was the opposite of manspreading, the inverse of kink-splaying, yet Newsom’s gnarled pose, his tangled appendages—like a steel-beamed hedgehog standing guard at Omaha Beach—still managed to intrude upon the public space in a way that many found unsettling.
I have never seen a man crush his testicles harder than this dude. pic.twitter.com/rey7LBeSOa
— BORED (@BoredElonMusk) December 4, 2025
Still though, it could always be worse: Gavin Newsom bites back with bonkers photo after being roasted for bizarre sitting position.
California Governor Gavin Newsom bit back at detractors for rumbling about his awkward sitting position.
Newsom, 58, was mercilessly trolled online earlier this week after critics took issue with his cross-legged position while he spoke at The New York Times‘ DealBook Summit.
His press office was quick to bite back, releasing an AI-generated image of the Democrat sitting his legs to in the air and his ankles crossed by his face. His hands were raised to his middle and pressed flatly into each other.
‘Democracy requires flexibility,’ his office wrote on X Friday.
Newsom, himself, reposted the image, writing: ‘WOW!’
Conquest’s Third Law of Politics states, “The simplest way to explain the behavior of any bureaucratic organization is to assume that it is controlled by a cabal of its enemies.” Particularly those who staff its social media departments.
