NEWS YOU CAN USE: A Thanksgiving Day Guide for Americans of Class and Taste.

From my earliest memories, Thanksgiving meant a few important things: 1) I got to eat a turkey leg the size of my head at the dining room table while the adults talked about adult things, which is where, with my opinions, I always felt that I belonged, 2) a house packed with family, which meant my grandma’s spiritually psychedelic cherry-based Jell-O dish, hide-and-seek with my cousins in the basement, and ghost stories over coffee after the sun set and my aunt was totally blasted, and finally 3) yelling. Like, truly an insane amount of yelling, actually, now that I sit here and think about it, as my mom and dad battled for dominance in the kitchen. But today, I am my family’s Thanksgiving Day lord commander (to general relief).

I have been responsible for Thanksgiving dinner for a few years now, and while I accept requests, and polite feedback, I do not tolerate bullshit. My parents are out of the kitchen. I am in charge of the menu. There is still, somehow, a lot of fighting.

This is a piece for people who either already own responsibility for hosting Thanksgiving, would like to take that responsibility over, or would like to quietly judge whoever in their home’s in charge. Thoughts on the proper — the CORRECT — holiday menu, tips for success, and a look inside my kitchen.

Enjoy.

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