AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD: Vigilante Justice: Trump Dresses Up As Bat And Patrols Streets Of DC.

Following increased incidents of assaults and other crimes perpetrated in the nation’s capital, reports began to surface of sightings of a “Bat-Trump” terrorizing criminals and stopping them in their tracks.

“I’m not the hero D.C. deserves, but the one it needs right now,” Trump told reporters when asked about his moonlighting as a vigilante crimefighter. “I was watching what these thugs have been doing to this beautiful city, and I thought, ‘Why not take care of this problem myself?’ I’ve got billions of dollars to spend on gadgets and vehicles, I’ve got a high-tech underground headquarters here at the White House… and, let’s face it, I’m a strong guy. Very strong. So I’ve been spending my nights swinging around and beating up criminals. You should see the looks on their faces. They’re scared, believe me.”

Is Trump Batman? Just ask him: