DISPATCHES FROM THE DILDO WARS: Sophie Cunningham Pelted By Third Sex Toy In A Week, WNBA Enters Crisis Mode.

Well, we’ve obviously reached the serial stage of the WNBA’s dildo-tossing epidemic. They say to become a serial killer, you have to kill between 3-5 people, right?

What about a serial dildo-tosser? Because we had our third green dildo hit the floor in a week last night, and it’s clear this isn’t going away any time soon. So, we need an answer to that question, because we’re there, boys and girls. We’ve got a serial dildo-tosser(s) harassing the WNBA right now, and it’s getting scary out there.

Lock your doors. Issue a curfew. Protect yourselves. There are dildos FLYING left and right now.

The latest Adam & Ave purchase (allegedly) hit Sophie Cunningham, too. That’s the big story this morning. Sure, we could talk about the NFL-ESPN merger. Or the MLB pennant races. But when Sophie Cunningham nearly gets pelted by a dildo, everything else goes to the backseat.

Sophie nearly became a victim at last night’s Fever-Sparks game, and I, frankly, won’t stand for that. When you attack Sophie, you attack all of us. Take anyone else. Leave Sophie alone.

The WNBA has issued a stern warning to the person attending tonight’s game: WNBA enforces ‘no bag policy’ to stop dildo throwers.

There are ways around this, however:

But be forewarned, the penalty for violating this new rule will be an extremely harsh one: