JIM TREACHER: All I Want for Christmas Is Everybody Stop Being Crazy.

• People are chanting antisemitic slogans in the street, beating up Jews, trashing synagogues. Because a bunch of Jews were slaughtered by crazy terrorists half a world away. It’s crazy.
• The president of Harvard University is a crazy plagiarist, and now the libs are going crazy making excuses for her because she’s not a white dude. They’re so crazy that the more racist they get, the more racism they see in everyone else.
• Taylor Swift is dating some football player, and everybody’s going crazy.
• The guy who played Kang in the Marvel movies went crazy and beat up his girlfriend, so now his career is ruined and he’s going to jail. And nerds are going crazy because the same thing hasn’t happened to Ezra Miller, which is racist or something.
• Even the holidays are no solace. People are refusing to buy Christmas gifts for their kids because it’s somehow killing the planet. And their comrades are blocking traffic and crazy-gluing their various body parts to the street, in the name of whatever crazy cause they care about this week. They’re all crazy.

Perhaps we can arrange a WWI-style Christmas Truce — but of course, as with 1914, the wreckage of the culture war will return after Boxing Day, if not sooner.