JIM TREACHER: I Apologize for Making The Marvels Bomb So Hard.

I never watched Ms. Marvel, which is the only other place that other character has appeared. I know she’s a Muslim-American, which makes my lack of interest both sexist and Islamophobic.

And I barely even remember Captain Marvel, other than wishing I’d been watching the DC Comics version instead.

So, this is all my fault:

You might think $47 million is a lot, but not when the movie cost five times that much to make and market.

Sorry, everybody. It’s my fault this movie is bombing. It’s my fault the “female Loki” on the Loki show is boring and no fun. It’s my fault She-Hulk was a cringey, convoluted mess. It’s my fault Black Widow bit the big one. It’s my fault that the more Marvel tries to appease feminists, the more money they lose.

I just didn’t believe hard enough. Girls can be superheroes too! When they scold us, we deserve it.

Oh, and I also accept blame for the failure of the three female-led Marvel shows scheduled for Disney Plus: Echo, Agatha: Darkhold Diaries, and Ironheart. It’s my fault nobody cares about any of those. Unless they end up being successful, in which case it will have had nothing to do with me.

None of this is Disney’s fault. How could they have predicted getting woke would make them go broke? Since when does that ever happen…

Okay. I said what I’m supposed to say. Can I go now?

You may say Treacher is a dreamer, but he’s not the only one: