BASKIN-ROBBINS’ SHOCKING NEW RE-BRANDING CAMPAIGN:
In a shocking move, mega-ice cream seller Baskin-Robbins has re-branded itself for 2022 — and neglected to include any obnoxious, in-your-face woke themes in its new marketing! No parade of rainbow creatures, no pant-suited feminist mascots, no underdogs bravely standing up to America’s racist, sexist, homophobic, bigoted, xenophobic system. There’s nary a victim nor a woke hero to be seen. It’s almost eerie.
Almost as inexcusably, the re-launched branding is relentlessly positive. The new campaign — the first in 20 years for the 77-year-old company — is called “Seize the Yay.” It focuses on celebrating the myriad joys of ordinary life. In a press release, Baskin-Robbins explains:
Made your bed? That’s a reason to celebrate. Put on pants with actual buttons? There’s another! Legendary ice cream brand, Baskin-Robbins is celebrating the happiness ice cream brings to every moment with a refresh of the iconic brand’s logo, packaging, employee uniforms and tagline encouraging customers to “Seize the Yay” – appreciating every moment, no matter how big or small.
The absolute gall of these people! Don’t they realize that somewhere, a transgender first-grader isn’t being celebrated zealously enough by xir 6-year-old peers? That black people were enslaved and mistreated? That there are billions of poor people in the world who have yet to be welcomed into the United States and given free smartphones, medical care, food, education, and housing? That white supremacists lurk around every corner, COVID still exists, mean tweets might be a thing again, and there’s a buzzsaw of a war on the other side of the world that we aren’t yet tossing our kids into??? How dare Baskin-Robbins be so innocently cheerful!
“Made your bed?” What is this crazy vast right-wing conspiracy dog-whistle callback to Jordan Peterson?!