SATIRE… OR IS IT? Governor Polis Enables “Auto Renew” for Colorado’s Mask Mandate.

Exhausted by having to manually extend Colorado’s mask mandate each month, Governor Jared Polis logged into the “Governor’s Dashboard” section of the state’s website and set the mandate to automatically renew each month for an additional 30 days.

“I just found this feature. I should’ve done it months ago,” Polis admits. “Everyone knows I’m going to keep extending the mandate, but this way I don’t even have to think about it, it just happens.”

“Come over here and take a look,” exclaimed Polis, as he excitedly offered The Oyster a glimpse of his computer. “All I did was click this button here and, boom, another 30 days with the masks.”

“Two weeks to bend the curve” seems like an awfully long time ago.