AS ALWAYS, LIFE IMITATES AMERICA’S NEWSPAPER OF RECORD:

● Shot: Rioters Demand A Recount.

“We were all ready to loot and burn everything down — we must count again!” they said, joining with President Trump in his calls for legal challenges and recounts to dispute the apparent Biden victory. “There was obvious voter fraud in this election. We must get a Biden loss, no matter what!”

“I was all ready to do my Christmas shopping, and then Biden won,” said a dejected rioter as he stood there with an unlit Molotov cocktail. “How am I supposed to pick up a new Xbox now that Trump lost? Ugh. And I might not have another opportunity for these kinds of deals until 2024!”

Rioters are saying that if they do not get the results they desire, they may just riot and burn the country down anyway in protest.

—The Babylon Bee, Friday.

● Chaser: Even With a Biden Win, Portland’s Protesters Vow to Keep Smashing Stuff.

—Nancy Rommelmann, Reason, Friday.