July 25, 2026

PAST PERFORMANCE IS NO GUARANTEE OF FUTURE RESULTS: Adventures in the Patriarchy™: Disgraced Former CNN Host Discovers Perverted New Shtick.

Via Unraveling With Brooke Baldwin (emphasis added):

If you’ve been reading me for a while, you know I signed up for my very first dating app a few months ago and lasted approximately three minutes before deleting it… Very recently, I gave it another shot.

Why? Maybe I wanted a distraction. Maybe I like to kiss. Maybe I’m a grown-ass woman who can do whatever the hell she wants.

This time I made it… five whole days.

Part of my bio read:

Integrity. Brains. Respect. Big career. Deeply spiritual. Serial monogamist… but taking a break from that for the first time in my life. Rare window.

Rare window.

It’s true. I know myself. I love love. I love partnership. This chapter won’t last forever.

But here’s what’s fascinating. Over the last month or so, I’ve had the opportunity to sleep with four different men. This is not a humblebrag. Nor have I suddenly become Samantha Jones. (Though if that’s your lane… Do you, boo.)

What’s interesting isn’t them. It’s me.

We’ll get to that but first — they’re all amazing.

One literally flew in just to take me to dinner and spends his days trying to save our democracy one congressional district at a time.

One used to run a country.

One is just… hot.

That’s all you’re getting for now.

(Also, this is officially awkward because I know at least a couple of these gentlemen subscribe to this Substack now. Hi, fellas. 👋)

Now that she’s effectively doing a safe-for-work Substack version of OnlyFans, I’d like to bring to your attention my personal favorite Baldwin moment from her storied CNN career, when she performatively feigned outrage after Clay Travis said on the air, preposterously and hilariously, that the only two things he really believes in are the First Amendment and boobs.

Newsreaders invariably get incensed by the notion they can easily be replaced with actors, and yet Baldwin certainly gave an Oscar-winning performance back in 2017:

Posted at 1:44 pm by Ed Driscoll